for starters/meme continuations/literally whatever, feel free to drop your own if you wanna thread sth. blanket warning for potential nsfw, violence, + cw: everything if yoru's involved.
[has she been rejected by boys before?? Denji supposes she like… is kinda crazy, even without Yoru. and she’s gloomy. and weird. but. it’s kind of charming, too. but most dudes aren’t built like him.
he blinks stupidly and in mild terror as she towers over him, which regrettably does nothing to quell his arousal. if anything, it’s sort of stoked. a little. he swallows. he blinks again as she goes on…… and finds himself more and more confused. who the fuck said any of that???? also what’s wrong with sluts?! he’d totally be a slut if he could.
wait hold up SHE WAS CONSIDERING IT? she could TEACH HIM? how would that work? isn’t she inexperienced??]
Asa! [he interjects, just in case she isn’t finished. didn’t Yoshida say she was desperate for a boyfriend?? why did he say that…]
Dude, I want a girlfriend more than anything. Where did you get the idea I don’t? Like, yeah, I wanna have lots of sex, but that’s not all I want.
I’m just more likely to get laid then to get a girlfriend… so I’m rolling with that now.
[he doesn’t think he’d be a bad boyfriend, but someone has to get there first on order for him to demonstrate those merits. he’s given up on it for now, fully self objectifying, like he’s more of a dildo than a person. should he get even that lucky. he’s fine with it. if he someday can’t keep his bed warm with the same body, he’ll just have to keep it warm with many. he pauses.
Yoru did say Asa liked him…]
…I’d date you, if you wanted. You can hold out as long as you want, too—no matter how bad I want it.
Edited (FORGOT THE POINT OF MY TAG DSKGJSLG) 2025-02-15 16:36 (UTC)
[ She almost wants to kick him in the nuts when he interjects. Not because he's done anything to deserve it, but because she's frustrated, and she'd rather take it out on anyone else except herself. Unlike Yoru, though, she mostly limits herself to verbal tirades. (He's probably lucky she hasn't seen his boner.) ]
So you'd date me out of pity? Is that it? Because I can't get — because I don't want a boyfriend?
You think anyone here will like you if they see you dating me? [ He wants to be liked, doesn't he? Maybe appealing to that side of him will work. ] I'm the crazy girl who showed up and wrecked their city. I thought Chainsaw Man was a superhero. Someone who saves people.
[ Said with a scoff, mockingly. Again, completely unfair, but she's actively trying to chase him off at this point. For her own sake, but also his. ]
... You know, I used to think I could stop her if things got too bad. [ Yoru, obviously. She looks at her hands, at what they are, and it seems so ludicrous that she has to laugh at her past self's arrogance. So she does. A horrible, tired, whimper of a thing. ] But you can't either, can you? You won't. I'm going to be stuck like this forever.
The fuck “date you out of pity”? I wouldn’t date anyone outta pity!
[dating is a commitment! sex is easier. and even sex isn’t easy. even sex has so much fucking consequence around it he’d be scared of it if his drive wasn’t so destructively high.
to her point about Chainsaw Man, he scowls. he’s about to counter her—say it’s different here, because there’s all kinds of people with bigger powers and better morals… moreover, there’s not a lot of heroing to do. except against Yoru, he guesses. there’s probably other chaotic entities like her…
Denji doesn’t even know that it was Asa who caused all that damage, not Yoru. she seems to be the scapegoat of this lovely afternoon session they’re having of going around in circles. at least his dick’s finally down.
something moves in him when she says that, though—like something finally clicks, watching Asa stare at her hands, her broken laugh, the thin veil it represents. right. she’s suffering, but…it’s her body. when she says “you won’t,” Denji feels a wave of shame so overwhelming he becomes nearly nauseous.
it’s like it all finally clicks how violating it all must be. and Denji knows violation. he knows being a tool. he knows it in dark, buried corners of his mind he’s not even ready to glance at. darker and deeper than the door that hid his father’s corpse, but in the same world.]
…I’m sorry.
[he takes her hand in both of his, gazing at it as well. it may be a devil’s hand, but it’s Asa’s now, so he still strokes with his thumb affectionately. even those devils were done pretty dirty. makes sense the devil of war is a merciless occupier.]
I—I’ll try not to. I mean it. [he feels a deep, face-heating shame that he has to say he’ll try.] I…I didn’t know I was taking things from you. I didn’t know you guys were different people, exactly.
I don’t wanna take anything else from you…
[damn. and what of Yoru’s promise? the death devil isn’t even here, anyway. he doesn’t want to feel like he’s—
raping Asa.
fuck. he feels kind of sick. his hand is shaking as he stares at Asa’s in his hold, and his grip tightens softly. he feels responsible. why’s everyone always gotta get so fucked up just by being near him?
[ She should comfort him, shouldn't she? Like he did for her. Say it's not him that's been stealing things from her, it's Yoru. That he has nothing to apologize for. He didn't, couldn't have known, just like she couldn't tell him. Hell — had they come here a day earlier, she'd still be lying to him about the whole situation. Her moral high ground is far more of a molehill than a mountain.
But it takes two to tango, even if one half thinks they're dancing with someone else. When she looks at him, her chest feels tight, wondering what she'll lose next. What's even left at this point? Yoru's proven she has control over Asa's body and her mind. Her spirit? Already pretty much broken. Whatever traces of resistance she has left? Yeah, right. She's no more free to disobey the War Devil than Denji is. At least he never claimed that he could.
If only he hadn't saved her. He deserves to be punished for that, if nothing else. ]
Yeah. Sure. [ Her body sags. She pulls her hand free, turning her head so she doesn't have to watch his shake. ] Get off the couch. I'm going to sleep.
[ The single mercy she shows is that she bites back a comment about keeping his hands to himself. He's well and truly down. She doesn't need to keep kicking. ]
[Denji’s fingers feel—cold, aching, in a sudden swell of cortisol. it feels strange. makes him curl his hands into fists just a bit when she withdraws, and he stands up.
the tea he made goes cold on the table, but he forgets its there. his apartment is surprisingly tidy, from Aki’s domesticating, from caretaking for Nayuta—but he feels so weirdly off balance right now, the tidying isn’t even present to him. he swallows awkwardly, wishing he had that hollowed out kind of static noise emptiness that usually fills him in these moments.
it’s slower, here. so maybe it’s just catching up. but it’s likely because this is just new, and it’s hard, and he cares. who knows.
this may not be his world, but people don’t change when you drag and drop them to different realities. this conversation has cemented this thought he’s been having.
he moves to his room, hesitating at his doorframe—mostly because he wants to say something, but how many times can someone say sorry in such futility? especially realizing he doesn’t really deserve forgiveness anyway? he settles for instead:]
Let me know if you need anything.
[he thinks about leaving his apartment to get away from the tension, but… he brought Asa here to make sure she’s okay. and he’s just realized how badly he’s failed that, but he’s still committed to it; saying that out loud holds him accountable to stay put. so he sinks onto his bed, nails biting into the palm of his hand as he curls and tenses, carefully breathing deep and slow so he doesn’t cry anymore.
like shit that he deserves that much.
his finger eventually tangles in the loop of his pull-start, but he doesn’t pull it. instead, he just yearns, wishing he had Pochita’s guidance and company.]
[ After Denji leaves, Asa finishes the tea, not caring that it's cold. He made it for her, so it shouldn't go to waste. Then she settles in to try and sleep — keyword being try. She's exhausted, but her mind won't take the hint her body is giving. Maybe it knows what kind of nightmares are waiting in the dark. Maybe the guilt of how she treated him is finally catching up with her. Maybe this couch is kind of uncomfortable, actually, and she doesn't have a blanket or a pillow, and she's still in her dried, crusty mud-and-blood stained clothing. Hardly an ideal situation for getting a good night's sleep.
... Maybe she's just not used to being so utterly alone, without even Yoru's voice for company.
Almost unconsciously, she touches her fingers to her lips. A minute later her weight joins Denji's on his bed. She tries to be delicate about it, in case he's asleep, but she knows he isn't. How could he be? ]
Don't say anything. [ ... ] You can kick me out if you want. Otherwise, just pretend I'm not here.
[ She turns her back to him, pulling her knees up to her chest, and tucking herself into a shivering ball on the edge of his bed. Trying not to take up much space. To not intrude any further than she already has. ]
[when he feels her weight on the other side of his bed, his anxiety spikes in a nauseating spiral—immediately, he thinks it’s Yoru. because even if Asa likes him and is attracted to him—she’s not simple, like he is. she doesn’t just pilot about by her carnal instincts. she has sense, she knows better. Yoru is cardinal carnality only, and he’s not ready to fight her off. he tenses, anticipating as much.
but—her words, even the tone of her voice, is Asa. his body untenses, and he quietly lets go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. his bed isn’t tiny, but it’s definitely not big. he can sense her tremors, and it makes him turn to face her back.
he dares not touch her, though he wants to. he wants to comfort her, but… especially with the clarity of the situation, he doesn’t feel particularly, er. at liberty to touch… but he does brush his shins against the backs of her calves, more as an affirmation of presence.
obediently, he doesn’t say anything. he does get his hand out of his shirt, though, cuz that’s just gonna look weird without someone knowing the context and relationship he has with Pochita. which, really, is… nobody. honestly, he’s worried even turning around or touching legs like this is going over the line. but it feels like anything he does is wrong, so… whatever. he’s trying.]
[ Asa shifts a bit at his touch, though not out of any discomfort or disgust. It's effectively acquiescence; permission to stay. She should be satisfied with that.
So of course, not five minutes later, she's rolling over and burying her face into his chest. When was the last time she felt the comforting warmth of another body like this? Not since she was a little girl, crawling into her mother's bed after yet another nightmare. Not since Crambon... since Crambon. ]
Denji... don't leave. [ The bed, but not just the bed. Next to Yoru, Denji is the only constant presence in her life, and certainly the only honest one. To a fault, even. If he'd lied to her, she probably wouldn't have snapped at him half as badly, but that's not who he is. ] I'll figure out a way to save you. You can still be happy.
[ Back to being normal. Safe. Not having devils breathing down his neck day and night. Not just "can": he has to. It's what's best for him, even if he doesn't realize it. His life wasn't the greatest before, sure, but at least it was a life. He might not understand now, but he will. And she'll do it with or without his cooperation. ]
[he startles a bit when she burrows into him like that, but it makes him relax immediately; like Asa, the warmth is an immediate sedative balm. it unravels his anxiety about what is and isn’t okay in terms of touch, because something even more base id than sex takes over, which is… this, enabling how he loosely throws an arm comfortably around her waist. not because he’s entitled to it, but because they’re human beings.]
I won’t, [he mumbles, shifting to use his bicep as a pillow in lieu of the actual pillow on his bed. he still doesn’t sleep normally, so much of him still trapped in that moldy, weather-prone shack without the luxuries of sheets, blankets, much less of all a pillow. he’ll get there. he enjoys all those things time and again, but when he feels small, he rescinds from the luxury of basic amenities.]
Worry about yourself, [he retorts, shifting his body so they’re a bit closer; the scent of her hair fills his head, which is dizzying in a way more cozying than arousing. the arm at her waist strokes her upper back, moving coarse, silky tendrils of hair for ease of motion.]
Might be there’s nothin’ to be done about me… and besides, I haven’t totally given up hope. I’ll find my way. I’m used to this. Been eating shit since I was a baby, cuz’a the yakuza, my dad, whatever.
You…
[his eyes narrow a little as he fights emotions, and his hand stills, splaying its broad palm between her scapula in this pause. he doesn’t know how to articulate his next point, what he’s feeling: which is that Asa, to him, is innocent. he is not. he’s just constantly seeking redemption. to be a good child.]
This shit’s way newer to you. I’m more worried about you.
[Asa is the only human he’s had this kind of bond with, besides Aki—but he took Aki for granted. and it wasn’t like this exactly besides, because Aki was a dude, and Denji is straight (probably). Himeno was his only human foray into this shit, and she was from a world he didn’t understand.
Asa was human, and Asa was also just a kid. like him. he’s never experienced this. it’s precious, and he wants to protect it. it feels like his goals and paradigms have been shifting day to day since before this place, trying to hold onto what keeps him moving even if that changes cyclically—but he’s decided he wants to save Asa. she shouldn’t worry about saving him.]
[ It's sweet that he thinks he can save a dead girl. Stupid, but sweet. It makes her goal seems more realistic in comparison — all she has to do is replace his chainsaw heart with a human one, and every problem that's plaguing him will vanish in an instant, just like Famine said. He might hate her for a while, but eventually, he'll love her for saving him when nobody else did. Not that she's doing this to be loved, or to make him indebted to her... but how could he not be? She'll be good, though. She won't take advantage. He'll come to appreciate that too.
Listening to that same heart beating, it's hard to imagine what's below the surface of his skin. But she was there in that restaurant. She saw him turn into... that. The other Chainsaw Man. She doesn't hate Pochita the way Yoru does, but she still needs him gone. Nothing personal.
For now, though, she lets herself curl into his touch. Her own hands keep to themselves, but she shifts agreeably under his; letting out a quiet, satisfied hum as he strokes her back, some of her tension releasing with the air. ]
I'm fine. [ Less about convincing him that she really is, and more about shutting down the conversation. ] You worry too much. I was just blowing off steam earlier. You didn't need to freak out like that.
[ Even less believable, but a convenient lie for them both to believe in. She doesn't have to explain herself, and he doesn't have to wonder just how far she was prepared to go in pursuit of her own destruction. She's quiet for a minute, but before the silence has a chance to really settle: ]
... Your bed sucks, by the way. [ Wow? ] First thing tomorrow, we're getting you another pillow. And more blankets. I can't sleep like this every night.
[Denji doesn’t believe her lie, though. he’s just silent, holding and stroking her. it does draw his mind to those actions themselves though—he may not buy her lie, but he’s not quite smart enough to see the reality of the situation. he wonders why. he understands now it was Asa, which just puzzles him more. he settles on that she’s probably just kind of losing it.
he seems to snap out of his pondering when she disses his bed, blinking and lifting his head.]
Mm? Yeah?
[Denji believes her; he isn’t offended. he wouldn’t know better, since he used to sleep on a mattress that was only a little better than cardboard for pretty much his whole life.]
That’s fine… It’s hard for me to tell, so…
[he rests his head back down again, and when he does, his eyes suddenly snap open as he lifts his head right back up.]
Wait! E-every night!?
[his face turns pink, and his heart begins to race. of course there’s a strong current of sexual excitement at the idea, but he’s also just stoked at the idea of having a warm body in his bed again. Denji’s had a shitty, unfrilled life, for sure—but he’s had sleep buddies more often than not as a constant. Pochita, Power, Nayuta, the dogs, the cat…]
[ Honestly, Asa didn't think about what she was saying while she was saying it... and once it was out, no take-backs. At first she thinks she's gotten away with it, but then Denji's head snaps up and she knows she's going to have to explain herself. (The fact she assumed he'd be okay with it says more about her than it does him. He's a boy — he's Denji, so of course he'd jump at the chance to share a bed with a girl. Even one with an alternate personality who can't decide whether to kill him, fuck him, or both. In either order.) ]
Is that okay? [ She tilts her head up to stare back at him, eyes wide; excuses coming fast and thick. ] I-I just thought that, since we know each other, it makes sense to stick together. It's better than living with a stranger, right? But your apartment's small, so sleeping together is easier than trying to fit another bed in. And it's a more efficient use of resources.
The couch is fine, but it's not exactly comfortable. A good night's sleep is essential for both physical and mental health. It helps with your immune system too. Seriously, look it up. Plus—
[ She'll keep rambling until he cuts her off... sorry........... ]
[Denji’s eyes have light to them for the first time in a while; his expression is similar, grinning sincerely. he doesn’t think this like—changes anything, because he’s hardly so optimistic these days… but a girl he mutually likes wants to share his bed!! and that fucking rocks. he’s elated.
gently, he taps his finger against her lips, politely urging her to shut the fuck up.]
Hey.
Of course it’s okay. You don’t gotta explain anything. I’ll make sure this bed is comfy as hell and you get real good sleep.
POLITELY URGING HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP he just like me fr
[ Rude?? But the relief is obvious on her face as soon as he says it's okay, though she's quick to roll her eyes at his second comment. ]
Don't get ahead of yourself. For all I know, you're the kind of guy who steals the blankets, or kicks in his sleep. Or snores really loud. You look like a snorer... [ wtf is that supposed to mean ] But I knew you'd agree. You're practical. That's actually one of the things I like about you — you know a smart idea when you hear one.
[that was Power’s job. she was such a pain in the ass to share a bed with it probably trained Denji’s bed manners to counter her. ok, maybe he snores when the sleep is hitting really hard and he’s super dead… but only sometimes. but damn why’s she gotta humble him at every turn?!
whatever. it doesn’t get him down. he’s still way too excited, and he still looks pleased.]
I dunno about that… Practical though, yeah. [he’s a virgo he did pick up a lot of those kinds of skills being broker than dirt poor his whole life. he blinks when she asks him to close his eyes, and he swallows nervously, heart fluttering.
this is where he needs to not get ahead of himself… they’ve just reunited and he’s already gotten two kisses, so. you know. Asa is unpredictable as fuck, so he’s trying not to get his hopes up. but, obediently, he closes his eyes.]
[ See, Denji? If you want her to say nice(ish) things about you, just agree with her. Except for when agreeing makes her angrier, because it's a trick question, or because she thinks she wants a specific answer but actually hearing it makes her frustrated, and god forbid she self reflect instead of taking things out on someone else.
Anyway.
He's smart not to get ahead of himself, though in this case his assumption is correct. She props herself up on one elbow, and just... stares at his face for a few seconds. Even in the low light, he's cute. Finally, right when her inaction starts to teeter from mildly awkward to super awkward, she leans up and kisses him.
On the cheek. ]
I'm not sleeping with a guy who isn't my boyfriend. Even if it's not sleeping like that. So, congratulations.
[Asa’s so fucking confusing Denji’s kind of given up trying to decipher her. he wants to understand her more as a person—like that nauseating realization he had about Asa’s sexual autonomy and stuff… but like this, he just has to kinda roll with shit. there’s no other way to survive her.
Denji’s eyes are still closed when he feels Asa’s kiss on his cheek—which isn’t what he was hoping for. but it still makes him smile, cheeks blushing a little. it’s still a win to Denji. despite all the trauma he has around kissing, it’s still simply the best. any kind of kiss.
man, he wants to make out, though. he’s pretty sure that he’s never made out with Asa—probably just Yoru…
wait he’s getting distracted. he blinks.]
Are you saying I’m your boyfriend?
[his eyes narrow as he grins, his heart thudding happily. he wants to make out, but… he has to meet Asa where she’s at, probably. he’s used to women setting the pace anyway, so. Denji scoots forward, brushing her hair out of her face to kiss her forehead.
[ Ugh... she'd been holding herself together pretty well during this conversation, but the forehead kiss is enough to set her cheeks on fire. She's not stupid; she knows he wants more. She does, too. The fact he's still prepared to wait is why she meets those thoughts with hesitance instead of revulsion for once.
She tugs on his other cheek, punishment for making her flustered. Then, feeling guilty, she finds herself stroking it instead, pretending like she's just wearing gloves when she catches a glimpse of her hand. At least he doesn't seem to mind them. ]
Not "pretty" lucky. You are lucky. [ And so is she, even if she doesn't say it. Nobody but Denji would put up with her, even without the added """bonus""" of Yoru. Throw in the fact that she (unfortunately) liked him before any of this; when he was, for all intents and purposes, just an ordinary boy that did one nice thing for her, and she knows which of them is the luckier one. ] As for everything else... w-we can talk about it.
[Denji doesn’t seem to really mind the pinch and pull on his cheek—in fact, it makes him laugh a little, smile held as she strokes his face. which is also awesome.
he strokes her back again, watching her face.
when she eludes to sex (which that even being a possibility makes Denji feel fucking crazy, so again, no complaints), he strokes the back of his fingers across her cheek affectionately, tilting his head against the bed somewhat.]
There’s no pressure or anything… I’m happy.
[despite the emotional rollercoaster this day had been. kissed, slapped, scolded… then she just crawls into his bed and declares herself Denji’s girlfriend. her mind is an enigma.]
You’re tired, right? [Denji’s arm moves so that its across her waist, once again cupping the shell of her back with his arm.] You should sleep.
[ No pressure, he says, and she wishes she could say "I know, but I want to". I'm happy, and she wishes she could say "I'm happy too". Honesty can't solve all her problems, but it sure as shit wouldn't hurt.
Too bad there's no chance of it happening right now. The most she can do is muster a faint smile; nowhere near as big or bright as his, but at least an acknowledgment in its own way, before she buries her face in his chest again. (She never paid much attention to their size difference before now, but like. Whew. He's not massively taller than her or anything, but he's big... ///) ]
[when he leaves her be to sleep, he's up for a while—after all, it's early, and Denji hasn't had a day nearly as exhausting. plus, he has a lot to process—a ton's on his mind. he wanders back through their interaction, troubled again by the issue of Asa's autonomy... finding he relates in ways, but is distressed by the differences too.
which, of course, his mind wanders...predictably... once that ventures into their deciding to date, coupled with the warmth of her right beside him, their kissing from earlier... he feels a little guilty for it, but it's hard to control. but despite how it gets his blood pumping, it also makes him—oddly cozy... and he does eventually find himself drifting off maybe about thirty minutes later.
Denji's dreams are predictably as salacious, but. you know.]
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[has she been rejected by boys before?? Denji supposes she like… is kinda crazy, even without Yoru. and she’s gloomy. and weird. but. it’s kind of charming, too. but most dudes aren’t built like him.
he blinks stupidly and in mild terror as she towers over him, which regrettably does nothing to quell his arousal. if anything, it’s sort of stoked. a little. he swallows. he blinks again as she goes on…… and finds himself more and more confused. who the fuck said any of that???? also what’s wrong with sluts?! he’d totally be a slut if he could.
wait hold up SHE WAS CONSIDERING IT? she could TEACH HIM? how would that work? isn’t she inexperienced??]
Asa! [he interjects, just in case she isn’t finished. didn’t Yoshida say she was desperate for a boyfriend?? why did he say that…]
Dude, I want a girlfriend more than anything. Where did you get the idea I don’t? Like, yeah, I wanna have lots of sex, but that’s not all I want.
I’m just more likely to get laid then to get a girlfriend… so I’m rolling with that now.
[he doesn’t think he’d be a bad boyfriend, but someone has to get there first on order for him to demonstrate those merits. he’s given up on it for now, fully self objectifying, like he’s more of a dildo than a person. should he get even that lucky. he’s fine with it. if he someday can’t keep his bed warm with the same body, he’ll just have to keep it warm with many. he pauses.
Yoru did say Asa liked him…]
…I’d date you, if you wanted. You can hold out as long as you want, too—no matter how bad I want it.
no subject
So you'd date me out of pity? Is that it? Because I can't get — because I don't want a boyfriend?
You think anyone here will like you if they see you dating me? [ He wants to be liked, doesn't he? Maybe appealing to that side of him will work. ] I'm the crazy girl who showed up and wrecked their city. I thought Chainsaw Man was a superhero. Someone who saves people.
[ Said with a scoff, mockingly. Again, completely unfair, but she's actively trying to chase him off at this point. For her own sake, but also his. ]
... You know, I used to think I could stop her if things got too bad. [ Yoru, obviously. She looks at her hands, at what they are, and it seems so ludicrous that she has to laugh at her past self's arrogance. So she does. A horrible, tired, whimper of a thing. ] But you can't either, can you? You won't. I'm going to be stuck like this forever.
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[dating is a commitment! sex is easier. and even sex isn’t easy. even sex has so much fucking consequence around it he’d be scared of it if his drive wasn’t so destructively high.
to her point about Chainsaw Man, he scowls. he’s about to counter her—say it’s different here, because there’s all kinds of people with bigger powers and better morals… moreover, there’s not a lot of heroing to do. except against Yoru, he guesses. there’s probably other chaotic entities like her…
Denji doesn’t even know that it was Asa who caused all that damage, not Yoru. she seems to be the scapegoat of this lovely afternoon session they’re having of going around in circles. at least his dick’s finally down.
something moves in him when she says that, though—like something finally clicks, watching Asa stare at her hands, her broken laugh, the thin veil it represents. right. she’s suffering, but…it’s her body. when she says “you won’t,” Denji feels a wave of shame so overwhelming he becomes nearly nauseous.
it’s like it all finally clicks how violating it all must be. and Denji knows violation. he knows being a tool. he knows it in dark, buried corners of his mind he’s not even ready to glance at. darker and deeper than the door that hid his father’s corpse, but in the same world.]
…I’m sorry.
[he takes her hand in both of his, gazing at it as well. it may be a devil’s hand, but it’s Asa’s now, so he still strokes with his thumb affectionately. even those devils were done pretty dirty. makes sense the devil of war is a merciless occupier.]
I—I’ll try not to. I mean it. [he feels a deep, face-heating shame that he has to say he’ll try.] I…I didn’t know I was taking things from you. I didn’t know you guys were different people, exactly.
I don’t wanna take anything else from you…
[damn. and what of Yoru’s promise? the death devil isn’t even here, anyway. he doesn’t want to feel like he’s—
raping Asa.
fuck. he feels kind of sick. his hand is shaking as he stares at Asa’s in his hold, and his grip tightens softly. he feels responsible. why’s everyone always gotta get so fucked up just by being near him?
a hero… what a joke.]
no subject
But it takes two to tango, even if one half thinks they're dancing with someone else. When she looks at him, her chest feels tight, wondering what she'll lose next. What's even left at this point? Yoru's proven she has control over Asa's body and her mind. Her spirit? Already pretty much broken. Whatever traces of resistance she has left? Yeah, right. She's no more free to disobey the War Devil than Denji is. At least he never claimed that he could.
If only he hadn't saved her. He deserves to be punished for that, if nothing else. ]
Yeah. Sure. [ Her body sags. She pulls her hand free, turning her head so she doesn't have to watch his shake. ] Get off the couch. I'm going to sleep.
[ The single mercy she shows is that she bites back a comment about keeping his hands to himself. He's well and truly down. She doesn't need to keep kicking. ]
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[Denji’s fingers feel—cold, aching, in a sudden swell of cortisol. it feels strange. makes him curl his hands into fists just a bit when she withdraws, and he stands up.
the tea he made goes cold on the table, but he forgets its there. his apartment is surprisingly tidy, from Aki’s domesticating, from caretaking for Nayuta—but he feels so weirdly off balance right now, the tidying isn’t even present to him. he swallows awkwardly, wishing he had that hollowed out kind of static noise emptiness that usually fills him in these moments.
it’s slower, here. so maybe it’s just catching up. but it’s likely because this is just new, and it’s hard, and he cares. who knows.
this may not be his world, but people don’t change when you drag and drop them to different realities. this conversation has cemented this thought he’s been having.
he moves to his room, hesitating at his doorframe—mostly because he wants to say something, but how many times can someone say sorry in such futility? especially realizing he doesn’t really deserve forgiveness anyway? he settles for instead:]
Let me know if you need anything.
[he thinks about leaving his apartment to get away from the tension, but… he brought Asa here to make sure she’s okay. and he’s just realized how badly he’s failed that, but he’s still committed to it; saying that out loud holds him accountable to stay put. so he sinks onto his bed, nails biting into the palm of his hand as he curls and tenses, carefully breathing deep and slow so he doesn’t cry anymore.
like shit that he deserves that much.
his finger eventually tangles in the loop of his pull-start, but he doesn’t pull it. instead, he just yearns, wishing he had Pochita’s guidance and company.]
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... Maybe she's just not used to being so utterly alone, without even Yoru's voice for company.
Almost unconsciously, she touches her fingers to her lips. A minute later her weight joins Denji's on his bed. She tries to be delicate about it, in case he's asleep, but she knows he isn't. How could he be? ]
Don't say anything. [ ... ] You can kick me out if you want. Otherwise, just pretend I'm not here.
[ She turns her back to him, pulling her knees up to her chest, and tucking herself into a shivering ball on the edge of his bed. Trying not to take up much space. To not intrude any further than she already has. ]
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but—her words, even the tone of her voice, is Asa. his body untenses, and he quietly lets go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. his bed isn’t tiny, but it’s definitely not big. he can sense her tremors, and it makes him turn to face her back.
he dares not touch her, though he wants to. he wants to comfort her, but… especially with the clarity of the situation, he doesn’t feel particularly, er. at liberty to touch… but he does brush his shins against the backs of her calves, more as an affirmation of presence.
obediently, he doesn’t say anything. he does get his hand out of his shirt, though, cuz that’s just gonna look weird without someone knowing the context and relationship he has with Pochita. which, really, is… nobody. honestly, he’s worried even turning around or touching legs like this is going over the line. but it feels like anything he does is wrong, so… whatever. he’s trying.]
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So of course, not five minutes later, she's rolling over and burying her face into his chest. When was the last time she felt the comforting warmth of another body like this? Not since she was a little girl, crawling into her mother's bed after yet another nightmare. Not since Crambon... since Crambon. ]
Denji... don't leave. [ The bed, but not just the bed. Next to Yoru, Denji is the only constant presence in her life, and certainly the only honest one. To a fault, even. If he'd lied to her, she probably wouldn't have snapped at him half as badly, but that's not who he is. ] I'll figure out a way to save you. You can still be happy.
[ Back to being normal. Safe. Not having devils breathing down his neck day and night. Not just "can": he has to. It's what's best for him, even if he doesn't realize it. His life wasn't the greatest before, sure, but at least it was a life. He might not understand now, but he will. And she'll do it with or without his cooperation. ]
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I won’t, [he mumbles, shifting to use his bicep as a pillow in lieu of the actual pillow on his bed. he still doesn’t sleep normally, so much of him still trapped in that moldy, weather-prone shack without the luxuries of sheets, blankets, much less of all a pillow. he’ll get there. he enjoys all those things time and again, but when he feels small, he rescinds from the luxury of basic amenities.]
Worry about yourself, [he retorts, shifting his body so they’re a bit closer; the scent of her hair fills his head, which is dizzying in a way more cozying than arousing. the arm at her waist strokes her upper back, moving coarse, silky tendrils of hair for ease of motion.]
Might be there’s nothin’ to be done about me… and besides, I haven’t totally given up hope. I’ll find my way. I’m used to this. Been eating shit since I was a baby, cuz’a the yakuza, my dad, whatever.
You…
[his eyes narrow a little as he fights emotions, and his hand stills, splaying its broad palm between her scapula in this pause. he doesn’t know how to articulate his next point, what he’s feeling: which is that Asa, to him, is innocent. he is not. he’s just constantly seeking redemption. to be a good child.]
This shit’s way newer to you. I’m more worried about you.
[Asa is the only human he’s had this kind of bond with, besides Aki—but he took Aki for granted. and it wasn’t like this exactly besides, because Aki was a dude, and Denji is straight (probably). Himeno was his only human foray into this shit, and she was from a world he didn’t understand.
Asa was human, and Asa was also just a kid. like him. he’s never experienced this. it’s precious, and he wants to protect it. it feels like his goals and paradigms have been shifting day to day since before this place, trying to hold onto what keeps him moving even if that changes cyclically—but he’s decided he wants to save Asa. she shouldn’t worry about saving him.]
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Listening to that same heart beating, it's hard to imagine what's below the surface of his skin. But she was there in that restaurant. She saw him turn into... that. The other Chainsaw Man. She doesn't hate Pochita the way Yoru does, but she still needs him gone. Nothing personal.
For now, though, she lets herself curl into his touch. Her own hands keep to themselves, but she shifts agreeably under his; letting out a quiet, satisfied hum as he strokes her back, some of her tension releasing with the air. ]
I'm fine. [ Less about convincing him that she really is, and more about shutting down the conversation. ] You worry too much. I was just blowing off steam earlier. You didn't need to freak out like that.
[ Even less believable, but a convenient lie for them both to believe in. She doesn't have to explain herself, and he doesn't have to wonder just how far she was prepared to go in pursuit of her own destruction. She's quiet for a minute, but before the silence has a chance to really settle: ]
... Your bed sucks, by the way. [ Wow? ] First thing tomorrow, we're getting you another pillow. And more blankets. I can't sleep like this every night.
[ Presumptive, much. ]
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he seems to snap out of his pondering when she disses his bed, blinking and lifting his head.]
Mm? Yeah?
[Denji believes her; he isn’t offended. he wouldn’t know better, since he used to sleep on a mattress that was only a little better than cardboard for pretty much his whole life.]
That’s fine… It’s hard for me to tell, so…
[he rests his head back down again, and when he does, his eyes suddenly snap open as he lifts his head right back up.]
Wait! E-every night!?
[his face turns pink, and his heart begins to race. of course there’s a strong current of sexual excitement at the idea, but he’s also just stoked at the idea of having a warm body in his bed again. Denji’s had a shitty, unfrilled life, for sure—but he’s had sleep buddies more often than not as a constant. Pochita, Power, Nayuta, the dogs, the cat…]
Really??
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Is that okay? [ She tilts her head up to stare back at him, eyes wide; excuses coming fast and thick. ] I-I just thought that, since we know each other, it makes sense to stick together. It's better than living with a stranger, right? But your apartment's small, so sleeping together is easier than trying to fit another bed in. And it's a more efficient use of resources.
The couch is fine, but it's not exactly comfortable. A good night's sleep is essential for both physical and mental health. It helps with your immune system too. Seriously, look it up. Plus—
[ She'll keep rambling until he cuts her off... sorry........... ]
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gently, he taps his finger against her lips, politely urging her to shut the fuck up.]
Hey.
Of course it’s okay. You don’t gotta explain anything. I’ll make sure this bed is comfy as hell and you get real good sleep.
POLITELY URGING HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP he just like me fr
Don't get ahead of yourself. For all I know, you're the kind of guy who steals the blankets, or kicks in his sleep. Or snores really loud. You look like a snorer... [ wtf is that supposed to mean ] But I knew you'd agree. You're practical. That's actually one of the things I like about you — you know a smart idea when you hear one.
[ Abruptly: ]
Close your eyes for a minute.
LOL
[that was Power’s job. she was such a pain in the ass to share a bed with it probably trained Denji’s bed manners to counter her. ok, maybe he snores when the sleep is hitting really hard and he’s super dead… but only sometimes. but damn why’s she gotta humble him at every turn?!
whatever. it doesn’t get him down. he’s still way too excited, and he still looks pleased.]
I dunno about that… Practical though, yeah. [
he’s a virgohe did pick up a lot of those kinds of skills being broker than dirt poor his whole life. he blinks when she asks him to close his eyes, and he swallows nervously, heart fluttering.this is where he needs to not get ahead of himself… they’ve just reunited and he’s already gotten two kisses, so. you know. Asa is unpredictable as fuck, so he’s trying not to get his hopes up. but, obediently, he closes his eyes.]
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[ See, Denji? If you want her to say nice(ish) things about you, just agree with her. Except for when agreeing makes her angrier, because it's a trick question, or because she thinks she wants a specific answer but actually hearing it makes her frustrated, and god forbid she self reflect instead of taking things out on someone else.
Anyway.
He's smart not to get ahead of himself, though in this case his assumption is correct. She props herself up on one elbow, and just... stares at his face for a few seconds. Even in the low light, he's cute. Finally, right when her inaction starts to teeter from mildly awkward to super awkward, she leans up and kisses him.
On the cheek. ]
I'm not sleeping with a guy who isn't my boyfriend. Even if it's not sleeping like that. So, congratulations.
[ Yeah... congratulations..................................... ]
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Denji’s eyes are still closed when he feels Asa’s kiss on his cheek—which isn’t what he was hoping for. but it still makes him smile, cheeks blushing a little. it’s still a win to Denji. despite all the trauma he has around kissing, it’s still simply the best. any kind of kiss.
man, he wants to make out, though. he’s pretty sure that he’s never made out with Asa—probably just Yoru…
wait he’s getting distracted. he blinks.]
Are you saying I’m your boyfriend?
[his eyes narrow as he grins, his heart thudding happily. he wants to make out, but… he has to meet Asa where she’s at, probably. he’s used to women setting the pace anyway, so. Denji scoots forward, brushing her hair out of her face to kiss her forehead.
there.]
Guess I am pretty lucky after all.
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She tugs on his other cheek, punishment for making her flustered. Then, feeling guilty, she finds herself stroking it instead, pretending like she's just wearing gloves when she catches a glimpse of her hand. At least he doesn't seem to mind them. ]
Not "pretty" lucky. You are lucky. [ And so is she, even if she doesn't say it. Nobody but Denji would put up with her, even without the added """bonus""" of Yoru. Throw in the fact that she (unfortunately) liked him before any of this; when he was, for all intents and purposes, just an ordinary boy that did one nice thing for her, and she knows which of them is the luckier one. ] As for everything else... w-we can talk about it.
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he strokes her back again, watching her face.
when she eludes to sex (which that even being a possibility makes Denji feel fucking crazy, so again, no complaints), he strokes the back of his fingers across her cheek affectionately, tilting his head against the bed somewhat.]
There’s no pressure or anything… I’m happy.
[despite the emotional rollercoaster this day had been. kissed, slapped, scolded… then she just crawls into his bed and declares herself Denji’s girlfriend. her mind is an enigma.]
You’re tired, right? [Denji’s arm moves so that its across her waist, once again cupping the shell of her back with his arm.] You should sleep.
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Too bad there's no chance of it happening right now. The most she can do is muster a faint smile; nowhere near as big or bright as his, but at least an acknowledgment in its own way, before she buries her face in his chest again. (She never paid much attention to their size difference before now, but like. Whew. He's not massively taller than her or anything, but he's big... ///) ]
Yeah... goodnight, Denji.
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[when he leaves her be to sleep, he's up for a while—after all, it's early, and Denji hasn't had a day nearly as exhausting. plus, he has a lot to process—a ton's on his mind. he wanders back through their interaction, troubled again by the issue of Asa's autonomy... finding he relates in ways, but is distressed by the differences too.
which, of course, his mind wanders...predictably... once that ventures into their deciding to date, coupled with the warmth of her right beside him, their kissing from earlier... he feels a little guilty for it, but it's hard to control. but despite how it gets his blood pumping, it also makes him—oddly cozy... and he does eventually find himself drifting off maybe about thirty minutes later.
Denji's dreams are predictably as salacious, but. you know.]