for starters/meme continuations/literally whatever, feel free to drop your own if you wanna thread sth. blanket warning for potential nsfw, violence, + cw: everything if yoru's involved.
Yeah, [Denji says again in response to her request, and this time he does pull her a little closer—not pressing his hand against her waist, but looping his arm around it. her scent fills his head, and instead of it spiking to his dick, it just sort of soothes him and makes him feel cozy.
he feels her tears before he hears it—like it or not, his senses are razor sharp. he can even feel the subtle ways she tenses through it. Denji cries openly lately more than he ever has, because he’s felt so raw and broken down—but part of why these sensory cues are familiar is because that’s more how Denji’s used to crying himself. he understands the point of the suppression though, and he doesn’t call attention to it. the hand on the back of her head instead strokes between her shoulder blades, eyes closing, eyelashes still a bit damp.
it’s all forgivable, because life in their realities is so insanely, chaotically hard that no one can really act right. it’s more disturbing when they can.
(hence: fuck that guy)
when she leans back, that tired, sheepish smile makes his heart skip a beat.
holy shit…
that’s what it’s about. holy fuck.]
Yeah, okay.
[he gently holds her wrist, guiding her back to the couch. once she’s settled, he tells her to give him a couple minutes. he gets the tea leaves ready, as well as the accompanying mug and strainer. fills up the kettle, and lets it sit on the stove. he doesn’t have an electric kettle or anything, so…
once he hears it boiling, he rinses out the mug with the boiling water to warm it up. then he doses the tea—rinses away the first wash, removing the strainer to do that before he puts it back in. pretends his heart doesn’t ache for Aki, who taught him how to do this even just halfway properly.
about five minutes later, he’s setting the tea in front of Asa on the table—and sitting close beside her, he peers at her to check in.]
There you go. Not the best quality, but should be brewed at least half way right.
[ She lets herself be guided to the couch. Zones out for a few minutes while he makes the tea, deeply enough that she almost forgets where she is — when she comes to, it's with a start, a panicked look flashing across her face before she sees Denji and remembers. Calms down enough to sit up and look at the tea with a mildly impressed expression. ]
You're weirdly domestic... [ Not for a guy (maybe a little for a guy, okay sexist), but for a Denji-type guy. A delinquent, in other words. Even if he was the one who offered to make the tea, she barely expected him to know how, let alone care about the quality of it. ] It's cute.
[ Another thing she never would have known, because she barely stopped to actually learn much about the boy she wanted to save so bad. She just decided it was what she was doing, what she had to do, and went from there; with no care for any consequences. Great fucking job. ]
Did you learn this from your parents? [ And there she goes, putting her foot right in the minefield. Sure, she doesn't know, but considering that he talked about having to eat toilet paper as a kid, anyone with half a brain would be able to realize that maybe his childhood wasn't the best. Glancing at his face, she tacks on: ] Or, um, a friend?
[ A girlfriend, maybe, which immediately makes her feel annoyed, but unlike before she swallows it down instead of snapping before he even has a chance to answer. ]
[CUTE????? fuck yes. not his preferred compliment but his most frequent and he likes it all the same. it’s subtle, but it does brighten his expression a little, corner of his lip tugging just a bit.
when she asks, he shrugs, flopping backwards on the couch with his legs spread, arms sagged against his thighs.]
Nah, don’t got any.
[but that’s not so weird, is it? between being involved with the Yakuza and Public Safety, he met all kinds of screwed up people. not that they ever really got to a ton of investigative small talk, but it’s not as though it never happened.
he seems to catch her insinuation, but he’s uncertain—he mirrors that glance, briefly, then looks at his slack hands between his legs.]
Yeah.
Control Devil made me kill him, though. [kinda. if he wasn’t so stupid, Aki would still be alive. and Makima knew that. that was maybe the cruelest part about all of it.] We lived together for a little while when I was involved with Yoshida’s stupid organization. Guess he kinda domesticated me by force a little.
[ Yes, she's still holding a grudge over her arm. The bit about the Control Devil makes her wince; half because of what he says, and half because of how he says it. Like it's just yet another ingredient in the crapburger of his life, instead of the huge fucking deal it should be.
She sips at her tea, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Should she ask about what happened? Or... maybe she could give him something back for once. Share in his vulnerability instead of taking advantage of it. ]
I told you, right? About my mom. [ She hadn't gotten a chance to explain herself fully in Aging's world, between Yoru and Denji's devil-vomit. ] When we were running from the Typhoon Devil, there was a cat on the side of the road. It had an injured leg, and I stopped to pick it up, but... I fell. My mom helped me, and because of that, she... she...
[ She doesn't cry, but her hand trembles; the tea nearly spilling. After a few seconds, she rallies enough to talk with only a slight crack in her voice. ]
What I'm saying is... I know what it's like to have someone die because of you. [ Not the faceless hundreds, thousands that she killed with her powers, but someone you know. Someone you love. Someone you can't forgive yourself for hurting. ] Nobody has the right to judge you for that, Denji. Nobody.
[ Even if she still judges herself for it every day. Even if she's projecting onto him, saying what she wishes someone told her. ]
[her vitriol pulls a little scoff of a laugh from Denji, who pinkies his ear briefly while she drinks her tea with contrasted proper posture.]
Yeah, same. Fuck ‘em both.
[he pauses, glancing at her as she talks, summoned by her present nerviness. his heart sinks, remembering Meowy. that’s how he first learned devils could love, even if it still wasn’t like how humans did. and that little cat’s just another disintegrated something he loved like all the rest.
that is to say of course it makes Denji feel soft with emotion when Asa explains, and she’s…right. it is strangely parallel. someone important to them both, gone because of some graceless blunder.
he doesn’t know what to say, when she finishes, staring dumbly at nothing. his eyes prickle and burns a little, and he sits up a bit more straight, forcing presentness to not let those feelings catch him.
he tilts to the side, gently thudding his head against her shoulder. she didn’t have to share all that, but…she did, for some reason. same reason he shared about Aki, he guesses. he lost someone he knew for…what, barely a year? maybe? that’s nothing like a mom. he doesn’t know what to say.
not that he knows what that’s like… ITT Denji gets so close to discovering his mommy issues]
Fuckin’ right they don’t.
[he says it like it’s obvious, but it’s clear from his affectionate gesture that he appreciates her saying it. it may be his fault, but even there he can see he was a victim too, so he knows she’s right; his fault, but no one can judge him for it. even if he’ll feel rotten forever about it.]
Don't thank me. [ It makes it sound like she was saying that to be nice, which — okay, she was, but it's weird if he points it out. She looks at him leaning against her, and holds the tea up to his mouth. Fondly: ] Here, drink this. I hear it makes you feel better.
[ Something something indirect kiss, but she's not paying any attention to that. She hasn't talked to anyone but Yoru about her past before, and only when it was dragged out of her by force as a traumatic flashback. Knowing Denji understands makes it easier. It's still hard, but she wants to talk about him. To have Crambon be remembered by more than just her. ]
His name was Crambon. The cat, I mean. [ Very much past tense. ] I didn't have any friends at the orphanage, so I read a lot of books... he'd sit on my shoulders and watch like he was reading along. It was really cute. And at night, he'd always sleep on my bed, not anyone else's.
People act like cats aren't affectionate, but they're just different about how they show it. You have to let them come to you — let them be in control of the interaction. Even if they swipe at you, it's probably because they're scared or uncertain. They're predators, but also prey, so trust is a really big deal for them.
[ Wow... sounds like someone in this room right now... ]
[Denji straightens up, blinking at the tea as he takes it. then he blinks at Asa, eyes rolling away as he lifts the cup to hide his subtle smirk.
he knows that??? that's why he made her the tea in the first place? what a fucking goofball. he likes that about her. he listens about the cat, blinking mildly at some details. orphanage, pet friend... some more kind of loose parallels. Denji had always been feral, but then, he'd also had a dad at one point. so after that point. then it was just him and Pochita... no orphanage.]
Yeah...
When I was livin' with that guy Aki, my other friend Power had a cat. The Control devil killed Power, so she took it. Then when the Control devil was reborn as Nakuya—the lil girl I was takin' care of, I took care of all the dogs, her and Power's cat.
It took that cat a long time to come around... It never disliked me, we just didn't know how to click. But we were friends eventually.
I don't think I prefer cats or dogs, but I liked that it'd always sleep on me.
Wait, is that why you asked about the Control Devil? If she'd be at whatever stupid welcome party devils hold for Death? [ After what he said about Aki, she thought it was out of fear, but: ] She lived with you? You just, what — totally forgave her? For making you kill your friend? For killing your other one herself?
[ Aaaaaand she puts her foot in it again. Not out of contempt or disdain, but disbelief, and maybe a little anger. If a devil did that to her, if they'd made her kill Crambon, she'd never forgive them, reincarnation or not. Even Yoru immediately backed down from the idea of making her kill a cat, and suggested another plan. She remembers how frantic Denji had been about Nayuta after he'd been put back together, his stubborn refusal to give up on her as they dug through the charred remains of his home... a head coming down the sushi belt... that was the Control Devil? Someone on the same level as Famine and War?
Is that what Public Safety would have done to her, too, if they'd managed to take her in? ]
That's seriously messed up, Denji. [ You're messed up, is what she wants to say, but she manages to at least make it a little less targeted. So much for "nobody has the right to judge you for that"... but it's okay, because she's judging him for something completely different! ]
I didn't forgive her, [Denji corrects, looking over at her tiredly.]
I killed her.
[and ate her. for weeks. he looks at the surface of his tea, blinking. he still misses Makima, though. still thinks about her. that's what's messed up, and even he understands that. sooo he keeps that one to himself.]
...Devils are different. They don't remember humans, really. So if I met Power again, she wouldn't remember me, even though she'd probably remember the Control devil. Nayuta didn't do anything wrong. She was just a little kid.
Feels kinda nice t'just have all that shit off my chest. Sorry it's sudden...
[Denji shouldn't trust Asa because she's unstable... but he feels like he trusts her character, which is why he randomly just shared all that. Yoru probably already knows all this shit anyway, or enough of it.]
Well, I don't care if they're different. [ She says confidently. ] I'd still never forgive a devil.
[ No such thing as an innocent devil and all that. Maybe it makes her a horrible person, but she thinks it makes her reasonable. Why should someone — something — be forgiven just because it died, lost all its memories, and reincarnated as a completely new being?
... Okay, maybe she's being a little unreasonable. Still. ]
You don't have to apologize. I like learning more about you. [ Denji, specifically. She's heard plenty about Chainsaw Man from Yoru. ] ... You've had a really shitty life, huh. I think if I was in your shoes, I'd have given up a long time ago. [ . . . ] But I'm glad you're still here.
[Denji tries not to smile at her unwavering hatred, because he does unfortunately find it kind of cute. Denji can't really relate to having principle like that.
he blinks when she says she likes learning more about him, his heart fluttering as he turns to look at her again. he doesn't necessarily feel flattered or anything by her compliment to his tenacity (he is miserable, even if he hasn't given up—this new place is kind of shifting his paradigm a little bit, at least), but...everything else makes his face a little red.]
...Are you really? Do y'mean that?
[Denji drops his gaze, staring at his tea again, where his reflection stupidly ripples and blinks back at him while he rubs his face.]
Huh...
[people liking him is one thing but...being glad he's alive is... you know, outside of how useful his body is...]
[ LMAO okay. In this case, yes, but also shut up Asa. She looks down at her hands, flexing her fingers idly. Remembering. ]
I like you. You're fun to talk to, and... you're a good guy. [ She doesn't mean in a moral sense, though he's not awful by those standards either. He's always treated her well, even when she's treated him terribly. Just look at today. ] So yeah. Obviously. If you ever died, I'd go to hell or whatever and drag you back myself.
[ It's said ridiculously casually for the kind of promise it is, but she means this, too. Yoru can shut up and be useful for once. ]
[Denji rubs the back of his neck with a little laugh, rubbing the bottom of his nose.]
Don't go making death sound so romantic.
[he glances back at her through the corner of his eyes, and his hand, warm from holding the tea (that again?? he made her? why is she so silly?), extends to rest over Asa's.]
I like you too...
That's why I didn't wanna leave you there.
You're one of my only friends right now... and besides, you're cute, pretty, smart and funny... [even though she's annoying, mean, and crazy. but honestly, she's better than any other girls that've been involved with him. at least Asa is honest, sort of—she's certainly not as deceptive as others, as far as he can tell... and besides, it kind of just seems like she's shy...and that her reality changes often more than her being an overtly dishonest person.] You make me feel a bit more connected to humanity again. As in you: Asa.
[he thinks. he thinks he's getting used to identifying them.]
[ Asa wants to chew him out for using the word romantic... but she can't bring herself to after he follows up with something so heartfelt. His hand over hers is nice, even if it's dulled through her borrowed skin; like her brain is trying to fill in the gaps of what this should feel like, instead of her actually feeling his touch. But if her powers have taught her one thing, it's that perception can influence reality. If it feels good, why question it? Just enjoy the moment.
She can certainly enjoy him calling her cute. And pretty. And smart. And funny. Things she already knew, of course... but she deserves to hear them said out more often, even if she doesn't need to. She's not desperate. She definitely won't replay that in her mind late at night when she's alone and the self-doubt starts to creep in, because first of all she doesn't have self-doubt, obviously, and second of all she isn't an egotist. She can just appreciate a compliment like a normal person. Compliments. Plural. ]
Yeah. It's me. [ There's a few seconds where she hesitates; knowing what she wants to say, but unsure if she can actually say it. Funny how she can sincerely promise to drag someone back from her — from Yoru's, whatever — eldest sister's clutches, then stumble over something so basic. ] Denji... I want to kiss you again. But only if you want me to.
[ Actually want her to, not the presumptive "I know you do" from before. ]
[Denji blinks, appearing genuinely puzzled (and excited, okay, he’s trying to keep it together). of course he’d want her to?? he curls his hand over hears without thinking, tilting his head as he leans into her space a little, peering at her. he puts the tea on his coffee table, before and between them.]
Of course I want you to. You can kiss me all you like, whenever you want.
[he wonders if they have the opportunity to kiss properly if Denji will be able to sense the difference in how each of the two personalities kiss—it’d be a good way to keep things… uh. as sorted in its chaos as possible, anyway.]
[ She smiles. Not the forced, barely-there one of before, but something shy and genuine. ]
You too. [ ... ] You can kiss me too, I mean. Whenever.
[ He'd seemed so hesitant before — she can't tell if that's his natural disposition, or he was just taken by surprise. Looking at him and how he fights, she'd expect him to be more aggressive, but she's thinking of Chainsaw Man. Not Denji. It'd be like him basing his expectations for her off Yoru, and he's made it very clear that he doesn't. The least she can do is afford him the same separation, even if their situations aren't entirely similar.
She turns herself to face him more, making sure she isn't in danger of bumping over the tea, and. Just kind of stares for a few seconds, before laughing nervously. ]
Sorry. I'm not — I'm not laughing at you. [ She's laughing at how ridiculous this all is. She's supposed to be dead, and now she's worried about embarrassing herself by kissing her crush badly. (Because that's what he is, isn't he? Fuck.) ] Do you think you could, um, go first?
[for many reasons Denji doesn't want to remember, he's staunchly anti aggressor—he may flirt, but for any action, he always has to be invited.
his smile goes lopsided and comfortable when she laughs, because he gets it. Asa's not exactly the. uh. humored type—Yoru's more likely to actually laugh at Denji. Asa seems to type to laugh out of nerves, because... obviously, she's anxious as hell.
because of his behavior around consent, though...
Denji blinks.
is this going to be his first time kissing a girl himself, actually? people are always kissing him... but he's never dared impose.]
Yeah, definitely...
[he leans forward, thumb and forefinger curled under her chin to lift her head a little as he bends his neck to meet her; his lips only brush hers at first, and he feels his heart immediately start racing. but he manages to keep his composure (for now), tilting his head as presses his lips more firmly against Asa's. his other hand is occupied by maintaining his balance as he's twisted at the waist, leaning in.
as usual, it feels amazing. and it feels kind of—different, but he isn't sure how to place it.]
[ Asa wouldn't say it's amazing, personally (either she has higher standards than him, or just more stupid hangups getting in the way) (no prizes for guessing which), but it's definitely nice. She matches his pace, pressing forward as eagerly as he does; both her arms sliding over his shoulders to draw him in close and keep him there. Soft, she thinks. He's soft. He should be all edges like her, but he's not. She's glad he isn't. Hopes he never will be. ]
Ugh. There has to be a more comfortable position to make out in.
[ ... Well. One immediately comes to mind, but she's pretty sure Yoru ruined sitting in his lap forever. Speaking of: ]
You realize, don't you? [ She says, with the resignation of knowing she's about to ruin a good thing. The only good thing she has left. But it'd be selfish not to remind him, to pretend their last conversation never happened, and her selfishness is the reason all of this happened in the first place. What a monkey's paw of a dying wish that turned out to be. ] I haven't been able to hear Yoru for a while, but she's not gone. If you keep spending time with me, sooner or later, you'll have to deal with her again. [ Stupid. She could have just kissed him again instead of saying any of this. Instead she stares pitifully at his lips, wishing she had, and whispers: ] ... I'm sorry.
[ It's violating to watch her body do all the things she ever wanted to do, but it's someone else doing them. To hear it saying all the things she ever wanted to say, but it's someone else saying them. But even for Asa, the lifelong queen of living in denial, there are limits to what she can ignore. ]
potential for memshare "event" in the future of the PSL goes toooo:
[—at first, Denji's brain is triangulating the better positions, because he's needy and selfish and wants to capitalize on opportunity.
but how often has opportunity fell flat on his face—it's true he's had sexual attention from girls! all liars, all devils who had a stake on his heart—but not his heart—Denji's. he remembers their date, which kind of sucked, but it brings to mind per Makima's lecturing as she made him touch her ear and then her full breast that it was more than just carnal, surface level desire. it's confusing, but in this moment, he thinks he gets it—he loves how brazen and sexual Yoru is, but the way it's familiar makes him feel both empty and afraid.
if there's a chance Asa has similar desires from her human heart, it puts that whole operation on pause. trouble is, Denji is stupid. he has no training on emotional intelligence, until kind of recently, where his desires afford a mirror. it's the first time he's been with a woman who's boundaries aren't conditional, like a carrot on a stick. it's not that Denji has more power, but it's more that... maybe they're level.
he's never had that experience. an experience that makes him want to slow down, remembering her nerviness during their strange aquarium date; where he did indeed retain that starfish were edible based on her boring ramblings, and was able to dig that up to feed her. but Asa doesn't remember that. god fucking damn it. in this moment, that feels so, so frustrating.
and that belies...something. something he's too stupid to understand, but it ignites his spirit. gently, in their kissing, he pushes her in a more languid, comfortable position that happens to position her against the arm of the couch. it's just instinct; not a confident answer to her discomfort. he leans back, breathing heavily, eyes soft from earlier tears.]
...Don't be sorry.
[his breath is labored, embarrassingly; he's so fit, it can only be due to one thing. it's not just Asa. the same body, the same face, different actions; Pavlov's bell will ring regardless. he swallows, and brushes his thumb across her cheek. he observes her dark eyes, realizing they aren't bright and wicked like Power's, or Makima's, or Yoru's.]
I'll...do my best. Now that I know, I...
[Denji's head drops, shame washing over him for reasons he can't understand. he's gotten close to "scoring" many times, but he's never been close to having a girlfriend before Asa. even as bad as their first date was.]
I can't promise I'm smart enough to tell the difference, but...
[he wants his dick to be touched. he wants to get off. he wants to have so much sex he forgets his pain, his loneliness, and everything else. but Yoru provides only the raw part of all that—funnily, Yoru's own sister may have given ammunition against Yoru's manipulation where Denji's true learning lies.]
I wanna be a good boy.
But I'm tired of being good to devils alone.
You know?
But like... I'm stupid, and super horny. And it makes me weak.
i want her to see makima's treatment of him sooooo bad
You're a boy. [ She says, as if that's an explanation. All boys are useless horndogs, so she can't single out Denji for that. Not when, by his own declaration, girls (and grub) are all he has left to live for. He's got her beat there: she doesn't have anything except her constantly backfiring attempts at saving him. ] But you can't trust her, Denji. She probably — she doesn't even like you. She's lying! Just like she did to me.
[ No, she isn't. Yoru is many things, most of them fucking awful, but in Asa's experience an outright liar isn't really one of them. If Yoru says "defeat the Death Devil, and I'll have sex with you," then that's exactly what she means. But if Denji believes that... what need would he have for Asa? Nevermind all those things he said about liking her for her humanity (ha), or doing his best, whatever that means. It isn't good enough. She wants the extra guarantee. To make him doubt Yoru, and only trust her.
Which of them is the devil again? ]
You need to learn to say no. [ Victim blaming much, but doesn't she get a say in how her body gets used? (Somewhere repressed in the back of her mind: "If you want to live, your body will be mine." But that doesn't count! That deal was under duress; she never would have made it if she'd known the consequences. Would she?) ]
If I offered to have sex with you right now, no strings attached... what would you say?
[ She reaches up to runs her hands over the broad planes of his chest, feeling his breath coming hot and heavy. There's a right answer and a wrong answer... of course, the only problem is that she isn't sure which of them she actually wants to hear. What does she value more: her future bodily autonomy if he can't control his horniness, or the satisfaction of him craving her as much as Yoru? Then there's the girlish part of her who just wants to experience a first with a boy that isn't filtered through Yoru; even knowing it would remove the main leverage keeping her from turning Denji into a weapon. Too bad that's the one she's least honest about, always quick to choose manipulation over exposing the most pathetic side of herself. ]
[…it’s true that men are like that, but Denji thinks he’s especially bad. only because other men simply aren’t as honest and open about their brazen desires, honestly, but Denji doesn’t really understand that.
as for Yoru…Denji doesn’t say anything, just jutting his jaw a bit. even if Asa sounded more confident with her delivery, Denji wouldn’t believe her. he knows Yoru likes him. and that’s not even being arrogant. that’s just knowing too many devils too closely. but just because Yoru sincerely likes him doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. and Denji’s aware of it, too. but, you know. poor self esteem and loneliness. he’ll take what he can get.]
—Huh?
[speaking of that… Denji’s breath catches in his throat with surprise as Asa’s hands stroke his chest. in tandem to that question, Denji’s face goes hot, dick immediately hard. he knows she’s testing him somehow, but he doesn’t quite get what she’s getting at.]
…I-I’d…
[say yes!!! obviously! he’d fuck her right now, if he could!! he scowls.]
Look, I can turn sex from a woman down. I’ve done it before!
And you’re not the type I want that kinda sex from anyway. But obviously, I really want you, so I’d say hell yeah! Of course I’d take you up on it!
[if it was no strings attached, that’d really suck. but Asa is super hot, and he likes her. he wouldn’t mind being used. the concept is kinda hot anyway… but he’s got a boner right now so he can’t trust that logic right now.]
[ Anyone could look at what he's said about her already, and understand what he means by it. Anyone who isn't hellbent on finding the negative in everything, that is.
And hey! Guess what Asa is? Especially when he talks about turning sex down before, and she immediately bristles. Why didn't he do that to Yoru? Obviously he just didn't care enough to try. (The fact he shoved her off in Aging's world, the fact she forced herself on him every time before and after that... those little things don't matter.) ]
I get it. [ She interjects before he can explain, shoving him back so she can sit up more. ] I'm not fun like her. I'm not a slut. It doesn't matter if a girl is stupid or bossy or conceited, boys only care about one thing. Nobody wants a smart girl with standards. It's fine, I'm used to it.
[ Airing out a few more of her hangups on Denji, no big deal. She stands up so she can tower over him while she bitches. ]
Did you ever think about what happens afterward? Of course not. Because you don't want a girlfriend, you just want sex. I can't believe I was even considering something so disgusting. Ugh.
I'll admit that you have appealing physical qualities, and parts of your personality aren't the worst. I even liked it when you kissed me. Not loved, but liked. It was okay. Your technique needs work, but that's what practice is for. I could have taught you, but you'd have to be my boyfriend, and we've already established why that isn't happening. Not that I was thinking about asking you to be. At least not more than anyone would in my situation. Less, actually.
Like I said. I'm not desperate. [ who tf asked................ ]
[has she been rejected by boys before?? Denji supposes she like… is kinda crazy, even without Yoru. and she’s gloomy. and weird. but. it’s kind of charming, too. but most dudes aren’t built like him.
he blinks stupidly and in mild terror as she towers over him, which regrettably does nothing to quell his arousal. if anything, it’s sort of stoked. a little. he swallows. he blinks again as she goes on…… and finds himself more and more confused. who the fuck said any of that???? also what’s wrong with sluts?! he’d totally be a slut if he could.
wait hold up SHE WAS CONSIDERING IT? she could TEACH HIM? how would that work? isn’t she inexperienced??]
Asa! [he interjects, just in case she isn’t finished. didn’t Yoshida say she was desperate for a boyfriend?? why did he say that…]
Dude, I want a girlfriend more than anything. Where did you get the idea I don’t? Like, yeah, I wanna have lots of sex, but that’s not all I want.
I’m just more likely to get laid then to get a girlfriend… so I’m rolling with that now.
[he doesn’t think he’d be a bad boyfriend, but someone has to get there first on order for him to demonstrate those merits. he’s given up on it for now, fully self objectifying, like he’s more of a dildo than a person. should he get even that lucky. he’s fine with it. if he someday can’t keep his bed warm with the same body, he’ll just have to keep it warm with many. he pauses.
Yoru did say Asa liked him…]
…I’d date you, if you wanted. You can hold out as long as you want, too—no matter how bad I want it.
Edited (FORGOT THE POINT OF MY TAG DSKGJSLG) 2025-02-15 16:36 (UTC)
[ She almost wants to kick him in the nuts when he interjects. Not because he's done anything to deserve it, but because she's frustrated, and she'd rather take it out on anyone else except herself. Unlike Yoru, though, she mostly limits herself to verbal tirades. (He's probably lucky she hasn't seen his boner.) ]
So you'd date me out of pity? Is that it? Because I can't get — because I don't want a boyfriend?
You think anyone here will like you if they see you dating me? [ He wants to be liked, doesn't he? Maybe appealing to that side of him will work. ] I'm the crazy girl who showed up and wrecked their city. I thought Chainsaw Man was a superhero. Someone who saves people.
[ Said with a scoff, mockingly. Again, completely unfair, but she's actively trying to chase him off at this point. For her own sake, but also his. ]
... You know, I used to think I could stop her if things got too bad. [ Yoru, obviously. She looks at her hands, at what they are, and it seems so ludicrous that she has to laugh at her past self's arrogance. So she does. A horrible, tired, whimper of a thing. ] But you can't either, can you? You won't. I'm going to be stuck like this forever.
The fuck “date you out of pity”? I wouldn’t date anyone outta pity!
[dating is a commitment! sex is easier. and even sex isn’t easy. even sex has so much fucking consequence around it he’d be scared of it if his drive wasn’t so destructively high.
to her point about Chainsaw Man, he scowls. he’s about to counter her—say it’s different here, because there’s all kinds of people with bigger powers and better morals… moreover, there’s not a lot of heroing to do. except against Yoru, he guesses. there’s probably other chaotic entities like her…
Denji doesn’t even know that it was Asa who caused all that damage, not Yoru. she seems to be the scapegoat of this lovely afternoon session they’re having of going around in circles. at least his dick’s finally down.
something moves in him when she says that, though—like something finally clicks, watching Asa stare at her hands, her broken laugh, the thin veil it represents. right. she’s suffering, but…it’s her body. when she says “you won’t,” Denji feels a wave of shame so overwhelming he becomes nearly nauseous.
it’s like it all finally clicks how violating it all must be. and Denji knows violation. he knows being a tool. he knows it in dark, buried corners of his mind he’s not even ready to glance at. darker and deeper than the door that hid his father’s corpse, but in the same world.]
…I’m sorry.
[he takes her hand in both of his, gazing at it as well. it may be a devil’s hand, but it’s Asa’s now, so he still strokes with his thumb affectionately. even those devils were done pretty dirty. makes sense the devil of war is a merciless occupier.]
I—I’ll try not to. I mean it. [he feels a deep, face-heating shame that he has to say he’ll try.] I…I didn’t know I was taking things from you. I didn’t know you guys were different people, exactly.
I don’t wanna take anything else from you…
[damn. and what of Yoru’s promise? the death devil isn’t even here, anyway. he doesn’t want to feel like he’s—
raping Asa.
fuck. he feels kind of sick. his hand is shaking as he stares at Asa’s in his hold, and his grip tightens softly. he feels responsible. why’s everyone always gotta get so fucked up just by being near him?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he feels her tears before he hears it—like it or not, his senses are razor sharp. he can even feel the subtle ways she tenses through it. Denji cries openly lately more than he ever has, because he’s felt so raw and broken down—but part of why these sensory cues are familiar is because that’s more how Denji’s used to crying himself. he understands the point of the suppression though, and he doesn’t call attention to it. the hand on the back of her head instead strokes between her shoulder blades, eyes closing, eyelashes still a bit damp.
it’s all forgivable, because life in their realities is so insanely, chaotically hard that no one can really act right. it’s more disturbing when they can.
(hence: fuck that guy)
when she leans back, that tired, sheepish smile makes his heart skip a beat.
holy shit…
that’s what it’s about. holy fuck.]
Yeah, okay.
[he gently holds her wrist, guiding her back to the couch. once she’s settled, he tells her to give him a couple minutes. he gets the tea leaves ready, as well as the accompanying mug and strainer. fills up the kettle, and lets it sit on the stove. he doesn’t have an electric kettle or anything, so…
once he hears it boiling, he rinses out the mug with the boiling water to warm it up. then he doses the tea—rinses away the first wash, removing the strainer to do that before he puts it back in. pretends his heart doesn’t ache for Aki, who taught him how to do this even just halfway properly.
about five minutes later, he’s setting the tea in front of Asa on the table—and sitting close beside her, he peers at her to check in.]
There you go. Not the best quality, but should be brewed at least half way right.
[…it feels good. taking care of people you like.]
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You're weirdly domestic... [ Not for a guy (maybe a little for a guy, okay sexist), but for a Denji-type guy. A delinquent, in other words. Even if he was the one who offered to make the tea, she barely expected him to know how, let alone care about the quality of it. ] It's cute.
[ Another thing she never would have known, because she barely stopped to actually learn much about the boy she wanted to save so bad. She just decided it was what she was doing, what she had to do, and went from there; with no care for any consequences. Great fucking job. ]
Did you learn this from your parents? [ And there she goes, putting her foot right in the minefield. Sure, she doesn't know, but considering that he talked about having to eat toilet paper as a kid, anyone with half a brain would be able to realize that maybe his childhood wasn't the best. Glancing at his face, she tacks on: ] Or, um, a friend?
[ A girlfriend, maybe, which immediately makes her feel annoyed, but unlike before she swallows it down instead of snapping before he even has a chance to answer. ]
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when she asks, he shrugs, flopping backwards on the couch with his legs spread, arms sagged against his thighs.]
Nah, don’t got any.
[but that’s not so weird, is it? between being involved with the Yakuza and Public Safety, he met all kinds of screwed up people. not that they ever really got to a ton of investigative small talk, but it’s not as though it never happened.
he seems to catch her insinuation, but he’s uncertain—he mirrors that glance, briefly, then looks at his slack hands between his legs.]
Yeah.
Control Devil made me kill him, though. [kinda. if he wasn’t so stupid, Aki would still be alive. and Makima knew that. that was maybe the cruelest part about all of it.] We lived together for a little while when I was involved with Yoshida’s stupid organization. Guess he kinda domesticated me by force a little.
[which sounds. weird. but whatever.]
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God, I hate that guy. Public Safety too.
[ Yes, she's still holding a grudge over her arm. The bit about the Control Devil makes her wince; half because of what he says, and half because of how he says it. Like it's just yet another ingredient in the crapburger of his life, instead of the huge fucking deal it should be.
She sips at her tea, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Should she ask about what happened? Or... maybe she could give him something back for once. Share in his vulnerability instead of taking advantage of it. ]
I told you, right? About my mom. [ She hadn't gotten a chance to explain herself fully in Aging's world, between Yoru and Denji's devil-vomit. ] When we were running from the Typhoon Devil, there was a cat on the side of the road. It had an injured leg, and I stopped to pick it up, but... I fell. My mom helped me, and because of that, she... she...
[ She doesn't cry, but her hand trembles; the tea nearly spilling. After a few seconds, she rallies enough to talk with only a slight crack in her voice. ]
What I'm saying is... I know what it's like to have someone die because of you. [ Not the faceless hundreds, thousands that she killed with her powers, but someone you know. Someone you love. Someone you can't forgive yourself for hurting. ] Nobody has the right to judge you for that, Denji. Nobody.
[ Even if she still judges herself for it every day. Even if she's projecting onto him, saying what she wishes someone told her. ]
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Yeah, same. Fuck ‘em both.
[he pauses, glancing at her as she talks, summoned by her present nerviness. his heart sinks, remembering Meowy. that’s how he first learned devils could love, even if it still wasn’t like how humans did. and that little cat’s just another disintegrated something he loved like all the rest.
that is to say of course it makes Denji feel soft with emotion when Asa explains, and she’s…right. it is strangely parallel. someone important to them both, gone because of some graceless blunder.
he doesn’t know what to say, when she finishes, staring dumbly at nothing. his eyes prickle and burns a little, and he sits up a bit more straight, forcing presentness to not let those feelings catch him.
he tilts to the side, gently thudding his head against her shoulder. she didn’t have to share all that, but…she did, for some reason. same reason he shared about Aki, he guesses. he lost someone he knew for…what, barely a year? maybe? that’s nothing like a mom. he doesn’t know what to say.
not that he knows what that’s like…
ITT Denji gets so close to discovering his mommy issues]Fuckin’ right they don’t.
[he says it like it’s obvious, but it’s clear from his affectionate gesture that he appreciates her saying it. it may be his fault, but even there he can see he was a victim too, so he knows she’s right; his fault, but no one can judge him for it. even if he’ll feel rotten forever about it.]
…Thanks.
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another thing they have in common]Don't thank me. [ It makes it sound like she was saying that to be nice, which — okay, she was, but it's weird if he points it out. She looks at him leaning against her, and holds the tea up to his mouth. Fondly: ] Here, drink this. I hear it makes you feel better.
[ Something something indirect kiss, but she's not paying any attention to that. She hasn't talked to anyone but Yoru about her past before, and only when it was dragged out of her by force as a traumatic flashback. Knowing Denji understands makes it easier. It's still hard, but she wants to talk about him. To have Crambon be remembered by more than just her. ]
His name was Crambon. The cat, I mean. [ Very much past tense. ] I didn't have any friends at the orphanage, so I read a lot of books... he'd sit on my shoulders and watch like he was reading along. It was really cute. And at night, he'd always sleep on my bed, not anyone else's.
People act like cats aren't affectionate, but they're just different about how they show it. You have to let them come to you — let them be in control of the interaction. Even if they swipe at you, it's probably because they're scared or uncertain. They're predators, but also prey, so trust is a really big deal for them.
[ Wow... sounds like someone in this room right now... ]
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he knows that??? that's why he made her the tea in the first place? what a fucking goofball. he likes that about her. he listens about the cat, blinking mildly at some details. orphanage, pet friend... some more kind of loose parallels. Denji had always been feral, but then, he'd also had a dad at one point. so after that point. then it was just him and Pochita... no orphanage.]
Yeah...
When I was livin' with that guy Aki, my other friend Power had a cat. The Control devil killed Power, so she took it. Then when the Control devil was reborn as Nakuya—the lil girl I was takin' care of, I took care of all the dogs, her and Power's cat.
It took that cat a long time to come around... It never disliked me, we just didn't know how to click. But we were friends eventually.
I don't think I prefer cats or dogs, but I liked that it'd always sleep on me.
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[ Aaaaaand she puts her foot in it again. Not out of contempt or disdain, but disbelief, and maybe a little anger. If a devil did that to her, if they'd made her kill Crambon, she'd never forgive them, reincarnation or not. Even Yoru immediately backed down from the idea of making her kill a cat, and suggested another plan. She remembers how frantic Denji had been about Nayuta after he'd been put back together, his stubborn refusal to give up on her as they dug through the charred remains of his home... a head coming down the sushi belt... that was the Control Devil? Someone on the same level as Famine and War?
Is that what Public Safety would have done to her, too, if they'd managed to take her in? ]
That's seriously messed up, Denji. [ You're messed up, is what she wants to say, but she manages to at least make it a little less targeted. So much for "nobody has the right to judge you for that"... but it's okay, because she's judging him for something completely different! ]
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I killed her.
[and ate her. for weeks. he looks at the surface of his tea, blinking. he still misses Makima, though. still thinks about her. that's what's messed up, and even he understands that. sooo he keeps that one to himself.]
...Devils are different. They don't remember humans, really. So if I met Power again, she wouldn't remember me, even though she'd probably remember the Control devil. Nayuta didn't do anything wrong. She was just a little kid.
Feels kinda nice t'just have all that shit off my chest. Sorry it's sudden...
[Denji shouldn't trust Asa because she's unstable... but he feels like he trusts her character, which is why he randomly just shared all that. Yoru probably already knows all this shit anyway, or enough of it.]
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[ No such thing as an innocent devil and all that. Maybe it makes her a horrible person, but she thinks it makes her reasonable. Why should someone — something — be forgiven just because it died, lost all its memories, and reincarnated as a completely new being?
... Okay, maybe she's being a little unreasonable. Still. ]
You don't have to apologize. I like learning more about you. [ Denji, specifically. She's heard plenty about Chainsaw Man from Yoru. ] ... You've had a really shitty life, huh. I think if I was in your shoes, I'd have given up a long time ago. [ . . . ] But I'm glad you're still here.
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he blinks when she says she likes learning more about him, his heart fluttering as he turns to look at her again. he doesn't necessarily feel flattered or anything by her compliment to his tenacity (he is miserable, even if he hasn't given up—this new place is kind of shifting his paradigm a little bit, at least), but...everything else makes his face a little red.]
...Are you really? Do y'mean that?
[Denji drops his gaze, staring at his tea again, where his reflection stupidly ripples and blinks back at him while he rubs his face.]
Huh...
[people liking him is one thing but...being glad he's alive is... you know, outside of how useful his body is...]
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[ LMAO okay. In this case, yes, but also shut up Asa. She looks down at her hands, flexing her fingers idly. Remembering. ]
I like you. You're fun to talk to, and... you're a good guy. [ She doesn't mean in a moral sense, though he's not awful by those standards either. He's always treated her well, even when she's treated him terribly. Just look at today. ] So yeah. Obviously. If you ever died, I'd go to hell or whatever and drag you back myself.
[ It's said ridiculously casually for the kind of promise it is, but she means this, too. Yoru can shut up and be useful for once. ]
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[Denji rubs the back of his neck with a little laugh, rubbing the bottom of his nose.]
Don't go making death sound so romantic.
[he glances back at her through the corner of his eyes, and his hand, warm from holding the tea (that again?? he made her? why is she so silly?), extends to rest over Asa's.]
I like you too...
That's why I didn't wanna leave you there.
You're one of my only friends right now... and besides, you're cute, pretty, smart and funny... [even though she's annoying, mean, and crazy. but honestly, she's better than any other girls that've been involved with him. at least Asa is honest, sort of—she's certainly not as deceptive as others, as far as he can tell... and besides, it kind of just seems like she's shy...and that her reality changes often more than her being an overtly dishonest person.] You make me feel a bit more connected to humanity again. As in you: Asa.
[he thinks. he thinks he's getting used to identifying them.]
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She can certainly enjoy him calling her cute. And pretty. And smart. And funny. Things she already knew, of course... but she deserves to hear them said out more often, even if she doesn't need to. She's not desperate. She definitely won't replay that in her mind late at night when she's alone and the self-doubt starts to creep in, because first of all she doesn't have self-doubt, obviously, and second of all she isn't an egotist. She can just appreciate a compliment like a normal person. Compliments. Plural. ]
Yeah. It's me. [ There's a few seconds where she hesitates; knowing what she wants to say, but unsure if she can actually say it. Funny how she can sincerely promise to drag someone back from her — from Yoru's, whatever — eldest sister's clutches, then stumble over something so basic. ] Denji... I want to kiss you again. But only if you want me to.
[ Actually want her to, not the presumptive "I know you do" from before. ]
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[Denji blinks, appearing genuinely puzzled (and excited, okay, he’s trying to keep it together). of course he’d want her to?? he curls his hand over hears without thinking, tilting his head as he leans into her space a little, peering at her. he puts the tea on his coffee table, before and between them.]
Of course I want you to. You can kiss me all you like, whenever you want.
[he wonders if they have the opportunity to kiss properly if Denji will be able to sense the difference in how each of the two personalities kiss—it’d be a good way to keep things… uh. as sorted in its chaos as possible, anyway.]
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You too. [ ... ] You can kiss me too, I mean. Whenever.
[ He'd seemed so hesitant before — she can't tell if that's his natural disposition, or he was just taken by surprise. Looking at him and how he fights, she'd expect him to be more aggressive, but she's thinking of Chainsaw Man. Not Denji. It'd be like him basing his expectations for her off Yoru, and he's made it very clear that he doesn't. The least she can do is afford him the same separation, even if their situations aren't entirely similar.
She turns herself to face him more, making sure she isn't in danger of bumping over the tea, and. Just kind of stares for a few seconds, before laughing nervously. ]
Sorry. I'm not — I'm not laughing at you. [ She's laughing at how ridiculous this all is. She's supposed to be dead, and now she's worried about embarrassing herself by kissing her crush badly. (Because that's what he is, isn't he? Fuck.) ] Do you think you could, um, go first?
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his smile goes lopsided and comfortable when she laughs, because he gets it. Asa's not exactly the. uh. humored type—Yoru's more likely to actually laugh at Denji. Asa seems to type to laugh out of nerves, because... obviously, she's anxious as hell.
because of his behavior around consent, though...
Denji blinks.
is this going to be his first time kissing a girl himself, actually? people are always kissing him... but he's never dared impose.]
Yeah, definitely...
[he leans forward, thumb and forefinger curled under her chin to lift her head a little as he bends his neck to meet her; his lips only brush hers at first, and he feels his heart immediately start racing. but he manages to keep his composure (for now), tilting his head as presses his lips more firmly against Asa's. his other hand is occupied by maintaining his balance as he's twisted at the waist, leaning in.
as usual, it feels amazing. and it feels kind of—different, but he isn't sure how to place it.]
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Ugh. There has to be a more comfortable position to make out in.
[ ... Well. One immediately comes to mind, but she's pretty sure Yoru ruined sitting in his lap forever. Speaking of: ]
You realize, don't you? [ She says, with the resignation of knowing she's about to ruin a good thing. The only good thing she has left. But it'd be selfish not to remind him, to pretend their last conversation never happened, and her selfishness is the reason all of this happened in the first place. What a monkey's paw of a dying wish that turned out to be. ] I haven't been able to hear Yoru for a while, but she's not gone. If you keep spending time with me, sooner or later, you'll have to deal with her again. [ Stupid. She could have just kissed him again instead of saying any of this. Instead she stares pitifully at his lips, wishing she had, and whispers: ] ... I'm sorry.
[ It's violating to watch her body do all the things she ever wanted to do, but it's someone else doing them. To hear it saying all the things she ever wanted to say, but it's someone else saying them. But even for Asa, the lifelong queen of living in denial, there are limits to what she can ignore. ]
potential for memshare "event" in the future of the PSL goes toooo:
but how often has opportunity fell flat on his face—it's true he's had sexual attention from girls! all liars, all devils who had a stake on his heart—but not his heart—Denji's. he remembers their date, which kind of sucked, but it brings to mind per Makima's lecturing as she made him touch her ear and then her full breast that it was more than just carnal, surface level desire. it's confusing, but in this moment, he thinks he gets it—he loves how brazen and sexual Yoru is, but the way it's familiar makes him feel both empty and afraid.
if there's a chance Asa has similar desires from her human heart, it puts that whole operation on pause. trouble is, Denji is stupid. he has no training on emotional intelligence, until kind of recently, where his desires afford a mirror. it's the first time he's been with a woman who's boundaries aren't conditional, like a carrot on a stick. it's not that Denji has more power, but it's more that... maybe they're level.
he's never had that experience. an experience that makes him want to slow down, remembering her nerviness during their strange aquarium date; where he did indeed retain that starfish were edible based on her boring ramblings, and was able to dig that up to feed her. but Asa doesn't remember that. god fucking damn it. in this moment, that feels so, so frustrating.
and that belies...something. something he's too stupid to understand, but it ignites his spirit. gently, in their kissing, he pushes her in a more languid, comfortable position that happens to position her against the arm of the couch. it's just instinct; not a confident answer to her discomfort. he leans back, breathing heavily, eyes soft from earlier tears.]
...Don't be sorry.
[his breath is labored, embarrassingly; he's so fit, it can only be due to one thing. it's not just Asa. the same body, the same face, different actions; Pavlov's bell will ring regardless. he swallows, and brushes his thumb across her cheek. he observes her dark eyes, realizing they aren't bright and wicked like Power's, or Makima's, or Yoru's.]
I'll...do my best. Now that I know, I...
[Denji's head drops, shame washing over him for reasons he can't understand. he's gotten close to "scoring" many times, but he's never been close to having a girlfriend before Asa. even as bad as their first date was.]
I can't promise I'm smart enough to tell the difference, but...
[he wants his dick to be touched. he wants to get off. he wants to have so much sex he forgets his pain, his loneliness, and everything else. but Yoru provides only the raw part of all that—funnily, Yoru's own sister may have given ammunition against Yoru's manipulation where Denji's true learning lies.]
I wanna be a good boy.
But I'm tired of being good to devils alone.
You know?
But like... I'm stupid, and super horny. And it makes me weak.
i want her to see makima's treatment of him sooooo bad
[ No, she isn't. Yoru is many things, most of them fucking awful, but in Asa's experience an outright liar isn't really one of them. If Yoru says "defeat the Death Devil, and I'll have sex with you," then that's exactly what she means. But if Denji believes that... what need would he have for Asa? Nevermind all those things he said about liking her for her humanity (ha), or doing his best, whatever that means. It isn't good enough. She wants the extra guarantee. To make him doubt Yoru, and only trust her.
Which of them is the devil again? ]
You need to learn to say no. [ Victim blaming much, but doesn't she get a say in how her body gets used? (Somewhere repressed in the back of her mind: "If you want to live, your body will be mine." But that doesn't count! That deal was under duress; she never would have made it if she'd known the consequences. Would she?) ]
If I offered to have sex with you right now, no strings attached... what would you say?
[ She reaches up to runs her hands over the broad planes of his chest, feeling his breath coming hot and heavy. There's a right answer and a wrong answer... of course, the only problem is that she isn't sure which of them she actually wants to hear. What does she value more: her future bodily autonomy if he can't control his horniness, or the satisfaction of him craving her as much as Yoru? Then there's the girlish part of her who just wants to experience a first with a boy that isn't filtered through Yoru; even knowing it would remove the main leverage keeping her from turning Denji into a weapon. Too bad that's the one she's least honest about, always quick to choose manipulation over exposing the most pathetic side of herself. ]
YESSS…. let’s dog-ear that lol
as for Yoru…Denji doesn’t say anything, just jutting his jaw a bit. even if Asa sounded more confident with her delivery, Denji wouldn’t believe her. he knows Yoru likes him. and that’s not even being arrogant. that’s just knowing too many devils too closely. but just because Yoru sincerely likes him doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. and Denji’s aware of it, too. but, you know. poor self esteem and loneliness. he’ll take what he can get.]
—Huh?
[speaking of that… Denji’s breath catches in his throat with surprise as Asa’s hands stroke his chest. in tandem to that question, Denji’s face goes hot, dick immediately hard. he knows she’s testing him somehow, but he doesn’t quite get what she’s getting at.]
…I-I’d…
[say yes!!! obviously! he’d fuck her right now, if he could!! he scowls.]
Look, I can turn sex from a woman down. I’ve done it before!
And you’re not the type I want that kinda sex from anyway. But obviously, I really want you, so I’d say hell yeah! Of course I’d take you up on it!
[if it was no strings attached, that’d really suck. but Asa is super hot, and he likes her. he wouldn’t mind being used. the concept is kinda hot anyway… but he’s got a boner right now so he can’t trust that logic right now.]
🙏
[ Anyone could look at what he's said about her already, and understand what he means by it. Anyone who isn't hellbent on finding the negative in everything, that is.
And hey! Guess what Asa is? Especially when he talks about turning sex down before, and she immediately bristles. Why didn't he do that to Yoru? Obviously he just didn't care enough to try. (The fact he shoved her off in Aging's world, the fact she forced herself on him every time before and after that... those little things don't matter.) ]
I get it. [ She interjects before he can explain, shoving him back so she can sit up more. ] I'm not fun like her. I'm not a slut. It doesn't matter if a girl is stupid or bossy or conceited, boys only care about one thing. Nobody wants a smart girl with standards. It's fine, I'm used to it.
[ Airing out a few more of her hangups on Denji, no big deal. She stands up so she can tower over him while she bitches. ]
Did you ever think about what happens afterward? Of course not. Because you don't want a girlfriend, you just want sex. I can't believe I was even considering something so disgusting. Ugh.
I'll admit that you have appealing physical qualities, and parts of your personality aren't the worst. I even liked it when you kissed me. Not loved, but liked. It was okay. Your technique needs work, but that's what practice is for. I could have taught you, but you'd have to be my boyfriend, and we've already established why that isn't happening. Not that I was thinking about asking you to be. At least not more than anyone would in my situation. Less, actually.
Like I said. I'm not desperate. [ who tf asked................ ]
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[has she been rejected by boys before?? Denji supposes she like… is kinda crazy, even without Yoru. and she’s gloomy. and weird. but. it’s kind of charming, too. but most dudes aren’t built like him.
he blinks stupidly and in mild terror as she towers over him, which regrettably does nothing to quell his arousal. if anything, it’s sort of stoked. a little. he swallows. he blinks again as she goes on…… and finds himself more and more confused. who the fuck said any of that???? also what’s wrong with sluts?! he’d totally be a slut if he could.
wait hold up SHE WAS CONSIDERING IT? she could TEACH HIM? how would that work? isn’t she inexperienced??]
Asa! [he interjects, just in case she isn’t finished. didn’t Yoshida say she was desperate for a boyfriend?? why did he say that…]
Dude, I want a girlfriend more than anything. Where did you get the idea I don’t? Like, yeah, I wanna have lots of sex, but that’s not all I want.
I’m just more likely to get laid then to get a girlfriend… so I’m rolling with that now.
[he doesn’t think he’d be a bad boyfriend, but someone has to get there first on order for him to demonstrate those merits. he’s given up on it for now, fully self objectifying, like he’s more of a dildo than a person. should he get even that lucky. he’s fine with it. if he someday can’t keep his bed warm with the same body, he’ll just have to keep it warm with many. he pauses.
Yoru did say Asa liked him…]
…I’d date you, if you wanted. You can hold out as long as you want, too—no matter how bad I want it.
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So you'd date me out of pity? Is that it? Because I can't get — because I don't want a boyfriend?
You think anyone here will like you if they see you dating me? [ He wants to be liked, doesn't he? Maybe appealing to that side of him will work. ] I'm the crazy girl who showed up and wrecked their city. I thought Chainsaw Man was a superhero. Someone who saves people.
[ Said with a scoff, mockingly. Again, completely unfair, but she's actively trying to chase him off at this point. For her own sake, but also his. ]
... You know, I used to think I could stop her if things got too bad. [ Yoru, obviously. She looks at her hands, at what they are, and it seems so ludicrous that she has to laugh at her past self's arrogance. So she does. A horrible, tired, whimper of a thing. ] But you can't either, can you? You won't. I'm going to be stuck like this forever.
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[dating is a commitment! sex is easier. and even sex isn’t easy. even sex has so much fucking consequence around it he’d be scared of it if his drive wasn’t so destructively high.
to her point about Chainsaw Man, he scowls. he’s about to counter her—say it’s different here, because there’s all kinds of people with bigger powers and better morals… moreover, there’s not a lot of heroing to do. except against Yoru, he guesses. there’s probably other chaotic entities like her…
Denji doesn’t even know that it was Asa who caused all that damage, not Yoru. she seems to be the scapegoat of this lovely afternoon session they’re having of going around in circles. at least his dick’s finally down.
something moves in him when she says that, though—like something finally clicks, watching Asa stare at her hands, her broken laugh, the thin veil it represents. right. she’s suffering, but…it’s her body. when she says “you won’t,” Denji feels a wave of shame so overwhelming he becomes nearly nauseous.
it’s like it all finally clicks how violating it all must be. and Denji knows violation. he knows being a tool. he knows it in dark, buried corners of his mind he’s not even ready to glance at. darker and deeper than the door that hid his father’s corpse, but in the same world.]
…I’m sorry.
[he takes her hand in both of his, gazing at it as well. it may be a devil’s hand, but it’s Asa’s now, so he still strokes with his thumb affectionately. even those devils were done pretty dirty. makes sense the devil of war is a merciless occupier.]
I—I’ll try not to. I mean it. [he feels a deep, face-heating shame that he has to say he’ll try.] I…I didn’t know I was taking things from you. I didn’t know you guys were different people, exactly.
I don’t wanna take anything else from you…
[damn. and what of Yoru’s promise? the death devil isn’t even here, anyway. he doesn’t want to feel like he’s—
raping Asa.
fuck. he feels kind of sick. his hand is shaking as he stares at Asa’s in his hold, and his grip tightens softly. he feels responsible. why’s everyone always gotta get so fucked up just by being near him?
a hero… what a joke.]
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POLITELY URGING HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP he just like me fr
LOL
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