for starters/meme continuations/literally whatever, feel free to drop your own if you wanna thread sth. blanket warning for potential nsfw, violence, + cw: everything if yoru's involved.
[he approaches her cautiously, drawn in by the way her voice gets just a little watery and a little high. he gently takes her palms, obvious undeterred by their borrowed nature, smoothing his palm against them. he ducks his height a little bit to try and peer at her face.]
I'm not just goin' along with whatever. If I was doin' that, I wouldn't have brought you back here to try'n help you. Okay?
I have free will. I'm just easy to jerk around.
[uh. oops. bad word choice. Denji quickly moves on:]
If you wanna help me, then just try'n calm down. I can get you some water or somethin'.
[he pauses.]
Y'know.
Devils—which is a lot'a the people I've known... hurt me on purpose. But it's human nature to mess up sometimes. If you ever hurt me, it's not like I'm gonna take it personally.
[now that he knows that Yoru is the War Devil, it's pretty easy to tell who's who somewhat. devils aren't sadistic only by their natures—Power did come to care for him, in her own way, that was less painful than the "care" and affection of other devils.
but Yoru isn't that way. she gets off on Denji's suffering. for Asa, she's clearly demonstrating it's the opposite.]
...Plus, why's it gotta be so one-sided? Why can't I help you too?
[ He's right, but Asa chooses to ignore that. It doesn't matter that his approach is gentle, his words kind, and that he touches her hands like they're hers and not the dead monsters they really are. She takes every olive branch he offers her, and throws them back in his face. ]
Because you don't like me. [ Quiet, but accusatory. ] You like her.
[ And it's so, insanely unfair to use that against Denji, the fact that maybe he'd managed to find some shred of enjoyment in what Yoru did not with, but to him, but she's uncharitable at the best of times, and even moreso now. In Asa's mind, he'd only help her if he liked her. So either this is all some sick joke, or... ]
But I'm better than her! [ Explosive again. Almost desperate. Those same hands grab him by the cheeks, cold against his skin. ] It's because she kissed you, isn't it? It's because she—
[ The alley. He'd been so desperate to find out which of them it was that jerked him off — he was probably hoping it was Yoru and not her. The fun one. The one who gave instead of just taking, even by the most twisted logic imaginable. Is that why he saved her? Because he saw the destruction and thought it was Yoru?
She's kissing him before she even realizes it, his blood still painting her lips, the motion messy and ugly and bruising, and only stopping either when she's pushed away or needs to break for air. There's zero affection in it: this is to prove a point. ]
this fucking work call is taking SO MUCH TIME IM DYING how dare u slow down my tag time
[he looks—baffled by the accusation, almost leaning away. but he resists it.
he blinks, wide-eyed and bewildered as she holds his face, rapt.]
N...no, [Denji says hesitantly, his brain stalling and then turning its gears. that might be the only reason he likes Yoru...? but he isn't sure... that makes him kind of shitty, if it's true. but Yoru is someone who gives him affection, too. is that shitty...?]
No, it's not! I'm not sayin' she's better'n you—!
[his breath stops in his throat when Asa kisses him—his brain stalls a second, wondering if this is the first time she's kissed him. was it only Yoru before? the way she asks if it's because "Yoru" kissed him—but he's been kissed a few times by her...
so is this his first kiss with Asa specifically? the Asa who doesn't get off on his destruction...? though she wants to turn him into a weapon?
her kiss is brutal and it makes his blood boil hot. he tries to swallow down that instinct, but he can't help how it charges him instantaneously. he holds the side of her face and tilts his head. by contrast, his kiss more affectionate. but it's not super confident; he's only ever been kissed. he's rarely had much of a chance to kiss back, and he's doing it decisively because he's also tryna prove a point in this moment. he isn't sure what it is.
he likes the one who likes him. whoever likes him of the two...! that's who he likes!]
Edited 2025-02-13 00:50 (UTC)
help i'm usually slow tbh... dw... i feel so bad for denji AGAIN
[ In a better time and place, Asa would appreciate how soft his kiss is. That Denji doesn't try to immediately suck her face off or lick at her like a wild animal, the way she always imagined it would go in her head. Right now, it's wasted on her. His kindness is rewarded only with more pain; she grabs and yanks at his bottom lip with her teeth, hard enough to hurt, trying to copy what Yoru did to him, but nowhere near as effectively. Mostly because Yoru wasn't trembling and crying when she did it.
She grips his cheeks tighter, making sure he can't look away from her as she unloads onto him. ]
You're thinking it. I know you are! [ It's written all over his expression and into the hesitance of his answer, clear as day in her mind. He doesn't have to say it out loud. ] Yoru's the one who kissed you all those times. She's the one who — she did everything! All of it!
[ It's a relief to be able to admit the truth. To finally drop the charade of her two halves being one. It also hurts in a way she wasn't expecting. She was so mortified at the idea of him thinking she was a slut, and now... what? She wants him to think that? No, but maybe she would have liked to do something with a boy one day; probably not, but there's a tiny, almost infinitesimal chance that she could have, might have thought about it — about feeling that closeness to someone just once in her life, enough that the crudeness and messiness of sex stopped mattering. To be not just wanted, but needed.
Well, she's been thoroughly stripped of that delusion. She'll never be as aggressive or as charged or as wildly uninhibited as Yoru, and why would he want anything less if he had the choice? It's not like she can be his first. She couldn't even be her own first. ]
I hate you. [ What she means is: "I hate myself, and you should too." Yoru is at least honest with her feelings; Asa is anything but. Maybe she does hate him for saving her, for letting himself get treated like this, for a thousand other reasons, but it's not hatred making her feel so utterly wretched. (If only it was.) ] She sits on your d-dick once, even while saying all those horrible things... and you fall in love? Is that all it takes? You're pathetic!
[ She drops her hands from his cheeks, and slaps him on one of them. ]
[unfortunately, the pulling bite has the same effect; in fact, because of its brutality, it spikes Denji's heartrate all the more. increasingly, sex is violence to him; even if someone is gentle to him in the moment, he's unconsciously come to understand the violence will just be yet to come. it's a kindness that it's unkind all at the front. he knows it's bad how it makes the root of his dick throb, but... that's how he is.
dazed, he hazily fixes his gaze on Asa as she yells at him for things he didn't understand as they happened—but he accepts them, and he listens. they're two pathetic sides of the same coin; if he can be of use at all if it means he gets touch, he'll let it happen (if it's a woman!). the need to be needed. but, y'know. not like his dick isn't president along side that stuff. he can't help that, but it's part of him. so he has to accept he's just...
bad.
his head whips from the force of her slap, her devil arms quite strong; he tastes copper in his mouth, and goes limp, trying to process. he just wants to be good. but he knows he isn't, because of his body. but that's all anyone wants anyways, right? why isn't it linear? his shoulders sag, and he slowly wipes his mouth.]
I...
[he doesn't know what to say.]
I only—just learned...
[why is it now? maybe because this place is so relaxed, shit catches up to you quick. this is high stakes, though. so why is he thinking about every time it's gone wrong? everything he's lost? he swallows thickly.]
...Sh-she said you liked me.
[he remembers their date, then remembers that...Asa doesn't remember that, right? if he explained that, it'd sound like he was being the manipulative digger.]
Sorry.
I was happy to see you. I... [his chin dimples, and he breathes out a heavy exhale around his tightening voice so it doesn't hiccup. why's he getting worked up like this? in a weird way, he isn't used to girls rejecting him. they just edge him along, if they have any interest at all; because he's a tool. Yoru and Asa are different, but even as he's coming to understand that, he's getting this vitriol from the same body that kissed him and touched his cock and said she liked him pitiful. that's not why he's being pitiful, though.
it's just all catching up to him. there's not much else to worry about, compared to back home. he finds himself missing the chaos.] I know.
I get it. Sorry.
[he doesn't sob, or cry, but tears rim his bottom waterline, gaze cast from hers.]
I'm worse than a piece of shit. I know. I just didn't want you to—...
[ Asa sees the wetness threatening to fall from his eyes, and the wave of guilt that hits her makes her feel nauseous; rises even higher in her throat than when she'd tried to make herself throw up just a few minutes ago. She doesn't get off on seeing him miserable — even the satisfaction of taking out her anger on a living, breathing target rings hollow when there's so little fight left in them. Like kicking a stray dog that still keeps on licking your hand afterward. ]
Stop crying. [ And oh, does she hate how much she sounds exactly like Yoru in Aging's world. She's not screaming at him and kicking him in the nuts, but she's making the same unreasonable demands, blaming him for something that isn't remotely his fault. ] You're not a piece of crap. You're just...
[ Chainsaw Man. Denji. The idiot who saved her life just because he couldn't stand to see her die. The idiot she fell for not once, but twice, and this is how she treats him? No wonder everyone hates her. Everyone except the person with the most right to. ]
Tell me what you want. [ Physically, emotionally... it doesn't matter. She swipes her thumb over his reddened cheek, cold comfort in the most literal sense. ] I'll do whatever you want, Denji. Whatever you think will help. So tell me.
[ And if she doesn't like what she hears, she'll just decide what's best for him herself. ]
denji: the man who wants to be the knight but is in fact the sub damsel
Denji flinches under her touch, but doesn't reject—initially. with the arm that's still bloody from his own bite, coagulating, he gently brushes her touch away, wincing.]
M'not cryin'...!
[obvious lie. just cuz the tears haven't fallen doesn't mean it's not true! but Denji, for being such an idiot, is a stickler for certain semantics. he tries to reign it in, embarrassed on being called out for being emotional although—Yoru and Asa, before he understood them as two different entities...interchangably, he's the most comfortable crying around them. for some reason.]
The hell... W-who cares what I want, [he hiccups slightly, then braces, swallowing it back down again. though he swatted her away, just as gently, he folds his hand around her narrow wrist. a bid and a plea.]
I just...want you to rest a little. You can use my place. I can feed you. It's fine if you hate me, I just...
[augh shit another wave of heavy feelings he can't identify or anticipate! his muscles tense against that wave, and then he relaxes, breathing out heavily.]
I just can't handle another person I care about dying anymore. Whatever you want—that's my line!! I [DAMN IT DON'T CRY, YOU'RE THE MAN!!] just—c-can't...
his battered wife coding... crying at this vs the 'consent is important!!' thread
[ About the crying, about what he wants not mattering, about her hating him, about everything... it's the exact same thing he'd said to her, when she told him just to finish her off, and now look where they are. A snide part of her thinks: "I bet you wish you had, huh?" but he clearly doesn't, and that's the worst part. She can treat him worse than she would an enemy, and he'd still run right back out and save her again. ]
I care about what you want, Denji. [ She says with a truly ridiculous amount of sincerity considering the present situation. Her eyes linger on his bloody arm, and she swears she can still taste him in her mouth. Make no mistake — that particular breakdown is only on hold. ] If you won't say it out loud, then I'll just do it. We both know what you're thinking.
[ When he brushed her hand away, she settled her other one on his shoulder. It slides lower now; a finger trailing suggestively down his chest, tracing around — not over — his starter, and then and then lower, until she's tugging on the waist of his pants. ]
LMAO asa: the fucked up saint of consent denji needs
[god damn if this isn't as confusing as everything else has been all the time. the hand on his shoulder is comforting, because he's always so eager and needy for touch—then it...wanders. and oh, what a hot trail it leaves. he tenses, his dick kicking in anticipatory response.
but! damn it!! that stupid bitch is always what gets him in trouble! especially with Asa! he's already on thin ice. he sniffles a little, feeling awkward as fuck for once again going from emotionally raw to sexually aroused. never much of a break in between, lately. Asa's never kissed him, he—thinks? so surely, she isn't the one who touched his dick. he knows for sure Yoru is the one who ground on his dick to hardness and then stopped when he was desperate enough to agree to anything.
he grips her wrist, hesitantly pulling it away. his body is more than eager; it's hot in the wake of her touch. Asa may not be Yoru, but her touch feels fluid and feminine and—god! of course he wants that. but that wasn't what he was here for, prior to these touches. Denji is capable of refusing sex, damn it! perhaps only with humans? he'd done it with Himeno, after all, despite her being hotter than fuck and more than ready. even if she hadn't barfed in his mouth...similar to Power, in her duress, he just couldn't take advantage of her various states of nude, intimate proximity. that was when he had all the opportunity, and he'd never felt attracted to her again. but his heart had evermore felt fuller than it ever had before.
the irony.]
N-no, hey, that's—not what I'm thinking. Er.
[he glances away bashfully, face red, jutting his jaw petulantly.]
Or, I wasn't, 'til you touched me all sexy...
[he moves her hand to the small of his waist, looking down at her. even though he's definitely half hard. it's deplorably easy to get him to brick up. damn it.]
What I said what I want: I meant that, okay? Like, yeah, I'm attracted to you... but that's not why I did any of this.
[ Because she sure was, and no way is she the bigger pervert between them. If she's thinking about... about using her hand like that, then Denji's probably thinking about worse. Not probably. Definitely. He wants to fold her over the couch and take out his frustrations, because that's what she'd want to do. Hypothetically. In his situation.
... Look, she's only having horny thoughts because she's thinking about it from his perspective, and she's clearly — an empath or something. Nobody is more sensitive to other people's feelings than her! Which is why she magnanimously allows him to move her hand away, though she fully plans to dive back in until he says something that distracts her, fingers tensing against his waist as she blinks in surprise. ]
You're attracted to me...? [ Priorities. ] Me, or Yoru? If you can't tell the difference, then don't bother answering.
The hell—I wasn't!! Just cuz I'm horny now doesn't mean I had anything in mind then!
[he hadn't thought about bending her over the couch and fucking her stupid till he was even dumber, but if she'd brought it up, he'd probably fold harder than a lawnchair in a hurricane. but she hasn't, so! but he'd be impressed with her dirty mind, if she had. integrity is the ultimate cockblocker. maybe for the best, in this situation.]
And—I dunno! I only just learned you were different!
[damn it...he can't tell her about their date. not now. the first half of that date sucked ass. the whole date kinda sucked. but calming her down, eating starfish (haha, metaphors)... that had really endeared him to her. the fact that the date kinda sucked is why it's a fond memory, now. ugh. so how does he put it without that anecdote?]
...I can tell the difference because... I think—so say if I'm wrong! I feel like... Yoru just jumps right into it, cuz I'm like...
[he—doesn't know how to explain it. he quirks a frown, eyes rolled in thought for a moment.]
...a thing. To her. Just a toy, or a tool. Devils are like that.
You're kind of like...
[ah, man. ain't no way he can't blow this. but as long as she isn't slapping him and running out when she needs rest, he's winning. he tries to ignore how for some reason, her fingers tensing against his waist just turns him on more. whhhhyyy]
...I dunno. It's more human. I'm not doin' a favor for a promise of sexual favors. Devils are so business. When I'm confused, it's human.
I—I th-think I want that. I'd rather be confused than played anymore.
[ As he talks, she slowly leans into him. Not in a handsy way, in a 'I'll literally fall flat on my face if you move' way. Her face ends up buried in his shoulder, hands meeting at the small of his back; fingers twitching against him as her adrenaline slowly ebbs away. It makes her feel like a complete moron that he has Yoru figured out, while Asa still... even now, she still— ]
I thought she cared about me. [ She hasn't said it out loud before. Hasn't really allowed herself to even think it, though she was always vaguely aware, and never moreso than when Yoru loaded the gun that was her arm and made Asa's finger pull the trigger. That betrayal is still something she's processing, or rather, doing her best not to, so she doesn't completely break down again over what she did. ] But she's a monster. They all are! Every single devil... I wish they'd all just die.
[ As long as she clung to the assurance of eventually getting her body back, she could pretend she was different. But what's the point anymore? What moral high ground can she claim? She'll never be free of the War Devil, not really. Her arms will always be these — these things. She'll always remember the taste of someone else's blood in her mouth. When she says that devils should all die, she's absolutely including herself in that. ]
... I'm tired. [ She doesn't mean sleepy, though... well. She is sleepy, too. ]
he’s a survivor. like a cockroach. he’s so insular in his experiences because he doesn’t have the time, intelligence or energy to think outside of it. but this makes him realize that Asa really was probably just a normal girl. not like Denji, who despite being a thirsty virgin, has been fucked every day since he was born. has known devils since he was a kid. sold his left eye and his right nut to get ahead on the debt of the father who abused [details redacted; Denji dares not open that door any wider] him, he killed, and inherited his debt. in this place, there’s too much room to reflect.
Asa represents an innocence he wishes he had, but now understands she doesn’t have it anymore either. it’s her first time feeling betrayed by a devil.
Denji takes it like breathing.
that’s probably not normal.
when she folds against him, Denji’s touch isn’t hesitant anymore; he combs her hair away from between them, then strokes the back of her head. he thinks that Yoru probably does care about Asa. it’s just hard to explain the way devils care about anything. you can’t 1:1 it, and Denji doesn’t even know how to explain it. but that’s not useful right now, anyway. maybe another time.]
Yeah, [Denji says casually, tucking his chin against the top of her head; he mirrors the hold on the small of his waist, but rests his hand instead of pulling her in or anything, still stroking her head.]
Me too.
I know how you feel. I’ve experienced it at least a few times… Chainsaw Man brings me more devils than humans.
[he thinks devil users are his favorite, though. human enough to relate to, but cursed enough too… except Yoshida. fuck that guy. he tilts his head so his cheek rests on the top of her head, blinking as he gazes emptily at the wall.]
…If you’re tired, you can lay down. I’ll make you some tea or somethin’. Only got barley and oolong, though.
I will. [ Lay down, she means. But not yet. With the last of her stubbornness: ] Just... hold me for a bit first. Please.
[ It might be the most pathetic she's felt all day. All the cruel things she's said and done to him in the last hour alone, and he could repay her in full right now by refusing her request... but he won't, will he? Denji doesn't jump on the chance to break someone down like Yoru does. Like Asa does, even if she feels bad about it afterward. He knows what it's like to be at rock bottom, and instead of dragging others down, he tries to lift them up and out. Maybe with the faint hope they'll reach back and pull him up with them, even just a step or two, but never expecting it.
She doesn't think she'll be climbing out anytime soon, with or without his help, but it's nice to have company while she's down here.
It's immediately obvious she's crying into his shoulder, but she does her best to try and muffle the sound, clearly not wanting to draw attention to it. After a few minutes, she leans back; her eyes red and puffy, and her face haggard with exhaustion... but she smiles just a bit when she looks up at him. It doesn't come close to reaching her eyes, but she tries anyway. For his sake. ]
You know... I think oolong sounds pretty good right about now.
Yeah, [Denji says again in response to her request, and this time he does pull her a little closer—not pressing his hand against her waist, but looping his arm around it. her scent fills his head, and instead of it spiking to his dick, it just sort of soothes him and makes him feel cozy.
he feels her tears before he hears it—like it or not, his senses are razor sharp. he can even feel the subtle ways she tenses through it. Denji cries openly lately more than he ever has, because he’s felt so raw and broken down—but part of why these sensory cues are familiar is because that’s more how Denji’s used to crying himself. he understands the point of the suppression though, and he doesn’t call attention to it. the hand on the back of her head instead strokes between her shoulder blades, eyes closing, eyelashes still a bit damp.
it’s all forgivable, because life in their realities is so insanely, chaotically hard that no one can really act right. it’s more disturbing when they can.
(hence: fuck that guy)
when she leans back, that tired, sheepish smile makes his heart skip a beat.
holy shit…
that’s what it’s about. holy fuck.]
Yeah, okay.
[he gently holds her wrist, guiding her back to the couch. once she’s settled, he tells her to give him a couple minutes. he gets the tea leaves ready, as well as the accompanying mug and strainer. fills up the kettle, and lets it sit on the stove. he doesn’t have an electric kettle or anything, so…
once he hears it boiling, he rinses out the mug with the boiling water to warm it up. then he doses the tea—rinses away the first wash, removing the strainer to do that before he puts it back in. pretends his heart doesn’t ache for Aki, who taught him how to do this even just halfway properly.
about five minutes later, he’s setting the tea in front of Asa on the table—and sitting close beside her, he peers at her to check in.]
There you go. Not the best quality, but should be brewed at least half way right.
[ She lets herself be guided to the couch. Zones out for a few minutes while he makes the tea, deeply enough that she almost forgets where she is — when she comes to, it's with a start, a panicked look flashing across her face before she sees Denji and remembers. Calms down enough to sit up and look at the tea with a mildly impressed expression. ]
You're weirdly domestic... [ Not for a guy (maybe a little for a guy, okay sexist), but for a Denji-type guy. A delinquent, in other words. Even if he was the one who offered to make the tea, she barely expected him to know how, let alone care about the quality of it. ] It's cute.
[ Another thing she never would have known, because she barely stopped to actually learn much about the boy she wanted to save so bad. She just decided it was what she was doing, what she had to do, and went from there; with no care for any consequences. Great fucking job. ]
Did you learn this from your parents? [ And there she goes, putting her foot right in the minefield. Sure, she doesn't know, but considering that he talked about having to eat toilet paper as a kid, anyone with half a brain would be able to realize that maybe his childhood wasn't the best. Glancing at his face, she tacks on: ] Or, um, a friend?
[ A girlfriend, maybe, which immediately makes her feel annoyed, but unlike before she swallows it down instead of snapping before he even has a chance to answer. ]
[CUTE????? fuck yes. not his preferred compliment but his most frequent and he likes it all the same. it’s subtle, but it does brighten his expression a little, corner of his lip tugging just a bit.
when she asks, he shrugs, flopping backwards on the couch with his legs spread, arms sagged against his thighs.]
Nah, don’t got any.
[but that’s not so weird, is it? between being involved with the Yakuza and Public Safety, he met all kinds of screwed up people. not that they ever really got to a ton of investigative small talk, but it’s not as though it never happened.
he seems to catch her insinuation, but he’s uncertain—he mirrors that glance, briefly, then looks at his slack hands between his legs.]
Yeah.
Control Devil made me kill him, though. [kinda. if he wasn’t so stupid, Aki would still be alive. and Makima knew that. that was maybe the cruelest part about all of it.] We lived together for a little while when I was involved with Yoshida’s stupid organization. Guess he kinda domesticated me by force a little.
[ Yes, she's still holding a grudge over her arm. The bit about the Control Devil makes her wince; half because of what he says, and half because of how he says it. Like it's just yet another ingredient in the crapburger of his life, instead of the huge fucking deal it should be.
She sips at her tea, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Should she ask about what happened? Or... maybe she could give him something back for once. Share in his vulnerability instead of taking advantage of it. ]
I told you, right? About my mom. [ She hadn't gotten a chance to explain herself fully in Aging's world, between Yoru and Denji's devil-vomit. ] When we were running from the Typhoon Devil, there was a cat on the side of the road. It had an injured leg, and I stopped to pick it up, but... I fell. My mom helped me, and because of that, she... she...
[ She doesn't cry, but her hand trembles; the tea nearly spilling. After a few seconds, she rallies enough to talk with only a slight crack in her voice. ]
What I'm saying is... I know what it's like to have someone die because of you. [ Not the faceless hundreds, thousands that she killed with her powers, but someone you know. Someone you love. Someone you can't forgive yourself for hurting. ] Nobody has the right to judge you for that, Denji. Nobody.
[ Even if she still judges herself for it every day. Even if she's projecting onto him, saying what she wishes someone told her. ]
[her vitriol pulls a little scoff of a laugh from Denji, who pinkies his ear briefly while she drinks her tea with contrasted proper posture.]
Yeah, same. Fuck ‘em both.
[he pauses, glancing at her as she talks, summoned by her present nerviness. his heart sinks, remembering Meowy. that’s how he first learned devils could love, even if it still wasn’t like how humans did. and that little cat’s just another disintegrated something he loved like all the rest.
that is to say of course it makes Denji feel soft with emotion when Asa explains, and she’s…right. it is strangely parallel. someone important to them both, gone because of some graceless blunder.
he doesn’t know what to say, when she finishes, staring dumbly at nothing. his eyes prickle and burns a little, and he sits up a bit more straight, forcing presentness to not let those feelings catch him.
he tilts to the side, gently thudding his head against her shoulder. she didn’t have to share all that, but…she did, for some reason. same reason he shared about Aki, he guesses. he lost someone he knew for…what, barely a year? maybe? that’s nothing like a mom. he doesn’t know what to say.
not that he knows what that’s like… ITT Denji gets so close to discovering his mommy issues]
Fuckin’ right they don’t.
[he says it like it’s obvious, but it’s clear from his affectionate gesture that he appreciates her saying it. it may be his fault, but even there he can see he was a victim too, so he knows she’s right; his fault, but no one can judge him for it. even if he’ll feel rotten forever about it.]
Don't thank me. [ It makes it sound like she was saying that to be nice, which — okay, she was, but it's weird if he points it out. She looks at him leaning against her, and holds the tea up to his mouth. Fondly: ] Here, drink this. I hear it makes you feel better.
[ Something something indirect kiss, but she's not paying any attention to that. She hasn't talked to anyone but Yoru about her past before, and only when it was dragged out of her by force as a traumatic flashback. Knowing Denji understands makes it easier. It's still hard, but she wants to talk about him. To have Crambon be remembered by more than just her. ]
His name was Crambon. The cat, I mean. [ Very much past tense. ] I didn't have any friends at the orphanage, so I read a lot of books... he'd sit on my shoulders and watch like he was reading along. It was really cute. And at night, he'd always sleep on my bed, not anyone else's.
People act like cats aren't affectionate, but they're just different about how they show it. You have to let them come to you — let them be in control of the interaction. Even if they swipe at you, it's probably because they're scared or uncertain. They're predators, but also prey, so trust is a really big deal for them.
[ Wow... sounds like someone in this room right now... ]
[Denji straightens up, blinking at the tea as he takes it. then he blinks at Asa, eyes rolling away as he lifts the cup to hide his subtle smirk.
he knows that??? that's why he made her the tea in the first place? what a fucking goofball. he likes that about her. he listens about the cat, blinking mildly at some details. orphanage, pet friend... some more kind of loose parallels. Denji had always been feral, but then, he'd also had a dad at one point. so after that point. then it was just him and Pochita... no orphanage.]
Yeah...
When I was livin' with that guy Aki, my other friend Power had a cat. The Control devil killed Power, so she took it. Then when the Control devil was reborn as Nakuya—the lil girl I was takin' care of, I took care of all the dogs, her and Power's cat.
It took that cat a long time to come around... It never disliked me, we just didn't know how to click. But we were friends eventually.
I don't think I prefer cats or dogs, but I liked that it'd always sleep on me.
Wait, is that why you asked about the Control Devil? If she'd be at whatever stupid welcome party devils hold for Death? [ After what he said about Aki, she thought it was out of fear, but: ] She lived with you? You just, what — totally forgave her? For making you kill your friend? For killing your other one herself?
[ Aaaaaand she puts her foot in it again. Not out of contempt or disdain, but disbelief, and maybe a little anger. If a devil did that to her, if they'd made her kill Crambon, she'd never forgive them, reincarnation or not. Even Yoru immediately backed down from the idea of making her kill a cat, and suggested another plan. She remembers how frantic Denji had been about Nayuta after he'd been put back together, his stubborn refusal to give up on her as they dug through the charred remains of his home... a head coming down the sushi belt... that was the Control Devil? Someone on the same level as Famine and War?
Is that what Public Safety would have done to her, too, if they'd managed to take her in? ]
That's seriously messed up, Denji. [ You're messed up, is what she wants to say, but she manages to at least make it a little less targeted. So much for "nobody has the right to judge you for that"... but it's okay, because she's judging him for something completely different! ]
I didn't forgive her, [Denji corrects, looking over at her tiredly.]
I killed her.
[and ate her. for weeks. he looks at the surface of his tea, blinking. he still misses Makima, though. still thinks about her. that's what's messed up, and even he understands that. sooo he keeps that one to himself.]
...Devils are different. They don't remember humans, really. So if I met Power again, she wouldn't remember me, even though she'd probably remember the Control devil. Nayuta didn't do anything wrong. She was just a little kid.
Feels kinda nice t'just have all that shit off my chest. Sorry it's sudden...
[Denji shouldn't trust Asa because she's unstable... but he feels like he trusts her character, which is why he randomly just shared all that. Yoru probably already knows all this shit anyway, or enough of it.]
Well, I don't care if they're different. [ She says confidently. ] I'd still never forgive a devil.
[ No such thing as an innocent devil and all that. Maybe it makes her a horrible person, but she thinks it makes her reasonable. Why should someone — something — be forgiven just because it died, lost all its memories, and reincarnated as a completely new being?
... Okay, maybe she's being a little unreasonable. Still. ]
You don't have to apologize. I like learning more about you. [ Denji, specifically. She's heard plenty about Chainsaw Man from Yoru. ] ... You've had a really shitty life, huh. I think if I was in your shoes, I'd have given up a long time ago. [ . . . ] But I'm glad you're still here.
[Denji tries not to smile at her unwavering hatred, because he does unfortunately find it kind of cute. Denji can't really relate to having principle like that.
he blinks when she says she likes learning more about him, his heart fluttering as he turns to look at her again. he doesn't necessarily feel flattered or anything by her compliment to his tenacity (he is miserable, even if he hasn't given up—this new place is kind of shifting his paradigm a little bit, at least), but...everything else makes his face a little red.]
...Are you really? Do y'mean that?
[Denji drops his gaze, staring at his tea again, where his reflection stupidly ripples and blinks back at him while he rubs his face.]
Huh...
[people liking him is one thing but...being glad he's alive is... you know, outside of how useful his body is...]
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[he approaches her cautiously, drawn in by the way her voice gets just a little watery and a little high. he gently takes her palms, obvious undeterred by their borrowed nature, smoothing his palm against them. he ducks his height a little bit to try and peer at her face.]
I'm not just goin' along with whatever. If I was doin' that, I wouldn't have brought you back here to try'n help you. Okay?
I have free will. I'm just easy to jerk around.
[uh. oops. bad word choice. Denji quickly moves on:]
If you wanna help me, then just try'n calm down. I can get you some water or somethin'.
[he pauses.]
Y'know.
Devils—which is a lot'a the people I've known... hurt me on purpose. But it's human nature to mess up sometimes. If you ever hurt me, it's not like I'm gonna take it personally.
[now that he knows that Yoru is the War Devil, it's pretty easy to tell who's who somewhat. devils aren't sadistic only by their natures—Power did come to care for him, in her own way, that was less painful than the "care" and affection of other devils.
but Yoru isn't that way. she gets off on Denji's suffering. for Asa, she's clearly demonstrating it's the opposite.]
...Plus, why's it gotta be so one-sided? Why can't I help you too?
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Because you don't like me. [ Quiet, but accusatory. ] You like her.
[ And it's so, insanely unfair to use that against Denji, the fact that maybe he'd managed to find some shred of enjoyment in what Yoru did not with, but to him, but she's uncharitable at the best of times, and even moreso now. In Asa's mind, he'd only help her if he liked her. So either this is all some sick joke, or... ]
But I'm better than her! [ Explosive again. Almost desperate. Those same hands grab him by the cheeks, cold against his skin. ] It's because she kissed you, isn't it? It's because she—
[ The alley. He'd been so desperate to find out which of them it was that jerked him off — he was probably hoping it was Yoru and not her. The fun one. The one who gave instead of just taking, even by the most twisted logic imaginable. Is that why he saved her? Because he saw the destruction and thought it was Yoru?
She's kissing him before she even realizes it, his blood still painting her lips, the motion messy and ugly and bruising, and only stopping either when she's pushed away or needs to break for air. There's zero affection in it: this is to prove a point. ]
this fucking work call is taking SO MUCH TIME IM DYING how dare u slow down my tag time
[he looks—baffled by the accusation, almost leaning away. but he resists it.
he blinks, wide-eyed and bewildered as she holds his face, rapt.]
N...no, [Denji says hesitantly, his brain stalling and then turning its gears. that might be the only reason he likes Yoru...? but he isn't sure... that makes him kind of shitty, if it's true. but Yoru is someone who gives him affection, too. is that shitty...?]
No, it's not! I'm not sayin' she's better'n you—!
[his breath stops in his throat when Asa kisses him—his brain stalls a second, wondering if this is the first time she's kissed him. was it only Yoru before? the way she asks if it's because "Yoru" kissed him—but he's been kissed a few times by her...
so is this his first kiss with Asa specifically? the Asa who doesn't get off on his destruction...? though she wants to turn him into a weapon?
her kiss is brutal and it makes his blood boil hot. he tries to swallow down that instinct, but he can't help how it charges him instantaneously. he holds the side of her face and tilts his head. by contrast, his kiss more affectionate. but it's not super confident; he's only ever been kissed. he's rarely had much of a chance to kiss back, and he's doing it decisively because he's also tryna prove a point in this moment. he isn't sure what it is.
he likes the one who likes him. whoever likes him of the two...! that's who he likes!]
help i'm usually slow tbh... dw... i feel so bad for denji AGAIN
She grips his cheeks tighter, making sure he can't look away from her as she unloads onto him. ]
You're thinking it. I know you are! [ It's written all over his expression and into the hesitance of his answer, clear as day in her mind. He doesn't have to say it out loud. ] Yoru's the one who kissed you all those times. She's the one who — she did everything! All of it!
[ It's a relief to be able to admit the truth. To finally drop the charade of her two halves being one. It also hurts in a way she wasn't expecting. She was so mortified at the idea of him thinking she was a slut, and now... what? She wants him to think that? No, but maybe she would have liked to do something with a boy one day; probably not, but there's a tiny, almost infinitesimal chance that she could have, might have thought about it — about feeling that closeness to someone just once in her life, enough that the crudeness and messiness of sex stopped mattering. To be not just wanted, but needed.
Well, she's been thoroughly stripped of that delusion. She'll never be as aggressive or as charged or as wildly uninhibited as Yoru, and why would he want anything less if he had the choice? It's not like she can be his first. She couldn't even be her own first. ]
I hate you. [ What she means is: "I hate myself, and you should too." Yoru is at least honest with her feelings; Asa is anything but. Maybe she does hate him for saving her, for letting himself get treated like this, for a thousand other reasons, but it's not hatred making her feel so utterly wretched. (If only it was.) ] She sits on your d-dick once, even while saying all those horrible things... and you fall in love? Is that all it takes? You're pathetic!
[ She drops her hands from his cheeks, and slaps him on one of them. ]
SGSLKG SUCH IS THE NARRATIVE
dazed, he hazily fixes his gaze on Asa as she yells at him for things he didn't understand as they happened—but he accepts them, and he listens. they're two pathetic sides of the same coin; if he can be of use at all if it means he gets touch, he'll let it happen (if it's a woman!). the need to be needed. but, y'know. not like his dick isn't president along side that stuff. he can't help that, but it's part of him. so he has to accept he's just...
bad.
his head whips from the force of her slap, her devil arms quite strong; he tastes copper in his mouth, and goes limp, trying to process. he just wants to be good. but he knows he isn't, because of his body. but that's all anyone wants anyways, right? why isn't it linear? his shoulders sag, and he slowly wipes his mouth.]
I...
[he doesn't know what to say.]
I only—just learned...
[why is it now? maybe because this place is so relaxed, shit catches up to you quick. this is high stakes, though. so why is he thinking about every time it's gone wrong? everything he's lost? he swallows thickly.]
...Sh-she said you liked me.
[he remembers their date, then remembers that...Asa doesn't remember that, right? if he explained that, it'd sound like he was being the manipulative digger.]
Sorry.
I was happy to see you. I... [his chin dimples, and he breathes out a heavy exhale around his tightening voice so it doesn't hiccup. why's he getting worked up like this? in a weird way, he isn't used to girls rejecting him. they just edge him along, if they have any interest at all; because he's a tool. Yoru and Asa are different, but even as he's coming to understand that, he's getting this vitriol from the same body that kissed him and touched his cock and said she liked him pitiful. that's not why he's being pitiful, though.
it's just all catching up to him. there's not much else to worry about, compared to back home. he finds himself missing the chaos.] I know.
I get it. Sorry.
[he doesn't sob, or cry, but tears rim his bottom waterline, gaze cast from hers.]
I'm worse than a piece of shit. I know. I just didn't want you to—...
😭😭
Stop crying. [ And oh, does she hate how much she sounds exactly like Yoru in Aging's world. She's not screaming at him and kicking him in the nuts, but she's making the same unreasonable demands, blaming him for something that isn't remotely his fault. ] You're not a piece of crap. You're just...
[ Chainsaw Man. Denji. The idiot who saved her life just because he couldn't stand to see her die. The idiot she fell for not once, but twice, and this is how she treats him? No wonder everyone hates her. Everyone except the person with the most right to. ]
Tell me what you want. [ Physically, emotionally... it doesn't matter. She swipes her thumb over his reddened cheek, cold comfort in the most literal sense. ] I'll do whatever you want, Denji. Whatever you think will help. So tell me.
[ And if she doesn't like what she hears, she'll just decide what's best for him herself. ]
denji: the man who wants to be the knight but is in fact the sub damsel
Denji flinches under her touch, but doesn't reject—initially. with the arm that's still bloody from his own bite, coagulating, he gently brushes her touch away, wincing.]
M'not cryin'...!
[obvious lie. just cuz the tears haven't fallen doesn't mean it's not true! but Denji, for being such an idiot, is a stickler for certain semantics. he tries to reign it in, embarrassed on being called out for being emotional although—Yoru and Asa, before he understood them as two different entities...interchangably, he's the most comfortable crying around them. for some reason.]
The hell... W-who cares what I want, [he hiccups slightly, then braces, swallowing it back down again. though he swatted her away, just as gently, he folds his hand around her narrow wrist. a bid and a plea.]
I just...want you to rest a little. You can use my place. I can feed you. It's fine if you hate me, I just...
[augh shit another wave of heavy feelings he can't identify or anticipate! his muscles tense against that wave, and then he relaxes, breathing out heavily.]
I just can't handle another person I care about dying anymore. Whatever you want—that's my line!! I [DAMN IT DON'T CRY, YOU'RE THE MAN!!] just—c-can't...
his battered wife coding... crying at this vs the 'consent is important!!' thread
[ About the crying, about what he wants not mattering, about her hating him, about everything... it's the exact same thing he'd said to her, when she told him just to finish her off, and now look where they are. A snide part of her thinks: "I bet you wish you had, huh?" but he clearly doesn't, and that's the worst part. She can treat him worse than she would an enemy, and he'd still run right back out and save her again. ]
I care about what you want, Denji. [ She says with a truly ridiculous amount of sincerity considering the present situation. Her eyes linger on his bloody arm, and she swears she can still taste him in her mouth. Make no mistake — that particular breakdown is only on hold. ] If you won't say it out loud, then I'll just do it. We both know what you're thinking.
[ When he brushed her hand away, she settled her other one on his shoulder. It slides lower now; a finger trailing suggestively down his chest, tracing around — not over — his starter, and then and then lower, until she's tugging on the waist of his pants. ]
LMAO asa: the fucked up saint of consent denji needs
but! damn it!! that stupid bitch is always what gets him in trouble! especially with Asa! he's already on thin ice. he sniffles a little, feeling awkward as fuck for once again going from emotionally raw to sexually aroused. never much of a break in between, lately. Asa's never kissed him, he—thinks? so surely, she isn't the one who touched his dick. he knows for sure Yoru is the one who ground on his dick to hardness and then stopped when he was desperate enough to agree to anything.
he grips her wrist, hesitantly pulling it away. his body is more than eager; it's hot in the wake of her touch. Asa may not be Yoru, but her touch feels fluid and feminine and—god! of course he wants that. but that wasn't what he was here for, prior to these touches. Denji is capable of refusing sex, damn it! perhaps only with humans? he'd done it with Himeno, after all, despite her being hotter than fuck and more than ready. even if she hadn't barfed in his mouth...similar to Power, in her duress, he just couldn't take advantage of her various states of nude, intimate proximity. that was when he had all the opportunity, and he'd never felt attracted to her again. but his heart had evermore felt fuller than it ever had before.
the irony.]
N-no, hey, that's—not what I'm thinking. Er.
[he glances away bashfully, face red, jutting his jaw petulantly.]
Or, I wasn't, 'til you touched me all sexy...
[he moves her hand to the small of his waist, looking down at her. even though he's definitely half hard. it's deplorably easy to get him to brick up. damn it.]
What I said what I want: I meant that, okay? Like, yeah, I'm attracted to you... but that's not why I did any of this.
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[ Because she sure was, and no way is she the bigger pervert between them. If she's thinking about... about using her hand like that, then Denji's probably thinking about worse. Not probably. Definitely. He wants to fold her over the couch and take out his frustrations, because that's what she'd want to do. Hypothetically. In his situation.
... Look, she's only having horny thoughts because she's thinking about it from his perspective, and she's clearly — an empath or something. Nobody is more sensitive to other people's feelings than her! Which is why she magnanimously allows him to move her hand away, though she fully plans to dive back in until he says something that distracts her, fingers tensing against his waist as she blinks in surprise. ]
You're attracted to me...? [ Priorities. ] Me, or Yoru? If you can't tell the difference, then don't bother answering.
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[he hadn't thought about bending her over the couch and fucking her stupid till he was even dumber, but if she'd brought it up, he'd probably fold harder than a lawnchair in a hurricane. but she hasn't, so! but he'd be impressed with her dirty mind, if she had. integrity is the ultimate cockblocker. maybe for the best, in this situation.]
And—I dunno! I only just learned you were different!
[damn it...he can't tell her about their date. not now. the first half of that date sucked ass. the whole date kinda sucked. but calming her down, eating starfish (haha, metaphors)... that had really endeared him to her. the fact that the date kinda sucked is why it's a fond memory, now. ugh. so how does he put it without that anecdote?]
...I can tell the difference because... I think—so say if I'm wrong! I feel like... Yoru just jumps right into it, cuz I'm like...
[he—doesn't know how to explain it. he quirks a frown, eyes rolled in thought for a moment.]
...a thing. To her. Just a toy, or a tool. Devils are like that.
You're kind of like...
[ah, man. ain't no way he can't blow this. but as long as she isn't slapping him and running out when she needs rest, he's winning. he tries to ignore how for some reason, her fingers tensing against his waist just turns him on more. whhhhyyy]
...I dunno. It's more human. I'm not doin' a favor for a promise of sexual favors. Devils are so business. When I'm confused, it's human.
I—I th-think I want that. I'd rather be confused than played anymore.
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I thought she cared about me. [ She hasn't said it out loud before. Hasn't really allowed herself to even think it, though she was always vaguely aware, and never moreso than when Yoru loaded the gun that was her arm and made Asa's finger pull the trigger. That betrayal is still something she's processing, or rather, doing her best not to, so she doesn't completely break down again over what she did. ] But she's a monster. They all are! Every single devil... I wish they'd all just die.
[ As long as she clung to the assurance of eventually getting her body back, she could pretend she was different. But what's the point anymore? What moral high ground can she claim? She'll never be free of the War Devil, not really. Her arms will always be these — these things. She'll always remember the taste of someone else's blood in her mouth. When she says that devils should all die, she's absolutely including herself in that. ]
... I'm tired. [ She doesn't mean sleepy, though... well. She is sleepy, too. ]
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he’s a survivor. like a cockroach. he’s so insular in his experiences because he doesn’t have the time, intelligence or energy to think outside of it. but this makes him realize that Asa really was probably just a normal girl. not like Denji, who despite being a thirsty virgin, has been fucked every day since he was born. has known devils since he was a kid. sold his left eye and his right nut to get ahead on the debt of the father who abused [details redacted; Denji dares not open that door any wider] him, he killed, and inherited his debt. in this place, there’s too much room to reflect.
Asa represents an innocence he wishes he had, but now understands she doesn’t have it anymore either. it’s her first time feeling betrayed by a devil.
Denji takes it like breathing.
that’s probably not normal.
when she folds against him, Denji’s touch isn’t hesitant anymore; he combs her hair away from between them, then strokes the back of her head. he thinks that Yoru probably does care about Asa. it’s just hard to explain the way devils care about anything. you can’t 1:1 it, and Denji doesn’t even know how to explain it. but that’s not useful right now, anyway. maybe another time.]
Yeah, [Denji says casually, tucking his chin against the top of her head; he mirrors the hold on the small of his waist, but rests his hand instead of pulling her in or anything, still stroking her head.]
Me too.
I know how you feel. I’ve experienced it at least a few times… Chainsaw Man brings me more devils than humans.
[he thinks devil users are his favorite, though. human enough to relate to, but cursed enough too… except Yoshida. fuck that guy. he tilts his head so his cheek rests on the top of her head, blinking as he gazes emptily at the wall.]
…If you’re tired, you can lay down. I’ll make you some tea or somethin’. Only got barley and oolong, though.
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[ It might be the most pathetic she's felt all day. All the cruel things she's said and done to him in the last hour alone, and he could repay her in full right now by refusing her request... but he won't, will he? Denji doesn't jump on the chance to break someone down like Yoru does. Like Asa does, even if she feels bad about it afterward. He knows what it's like to be at rock bottom, and instead of dragging others down, he tries to lift them up and out. Maybe with the faint hope they'll reach back and pull him up with them, even just a step or two, but never expecting it.
She doesn't think she'll be climbing out anytime soon, with or without his help, but it's nice to have company while she's down here.
It's immediately obvious she's crying into his shoulder, but she does her best to try and muffle the sound, clearly not wanting to draw attention to it. After a few minutes, she leans back; her eyes red and puffy, and her face haggard with exhaustion... but she smiles just a bit when she looks up at him. It doesn't come close to reaching her eyes, but she tries anyway. For his sake. ]
You know... I think oolong sounds pretty good right about now.
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he feels her tears before he hears it—like it or not, his senses are razor sharp. he can even feel the subtle ways she tenses through it. Denji cries openly lately more than he ever has, because he’s felt so raw and broken down—but part of why these sensory cues are familiar is because that’s more how Denji’s used to crying himself. he understands the point of the suppression though, and he doesn’t call attention to it. the hand on the back of her head instead strokes between her shoulder blades, eyes closing, eyelashes still a bit damp.
it’s all forgivable, because life in their realities is so insanely, chaotically hard that no one can really act right. it’s more disturbing when they can.
(hence: fuck that guy)
when she leans back, that tired, sheepish smile makes his heart skip a beat.
holy shit…
that’s what it’s about. holy fuck.]
Yeah, okay.
[he gently holds her wrist, guiding her back to the couch. once she’s settled, he tells her to give him a couple minutes. he gets the tea leaves ready, as well as the accompanying mug and strainer. fills up the kettle, and lets it sit on the stove. he doesn’t have an electric kettle or anything, so…
once he hears it boiling, he rinses out the mug with the boiling water to warm it up. then he doses the tea—rinses away the first wash, removing the strainer to do that before he puts it back in. pretends his heart doesn’t ache for Aki, who taught him how to do this even just halfway properly.
about five minutes later, he’s setting the tea in front of Asa on the table—and sitting close beside her, he peers at her to check in.]
There you go. Not the best quality, but should be brewed at least half way right.
[…it feels good. taking care of people you like.]
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You're weirdly domestic... [ Not for a guy (maybe a little for a guy, okay sexist), but for a Denji-type guy. A delinquent, in other words. Even if he was the one who offered to make the tea, she barely expected him to know how, let alone care about the quality of it. ] It's cute.
[ Another thing she never would have known, because she barely stopped to actually learn much about the boy she wanted to save so bad. She just decided it was what she was doing, what she had to do, and went from there; with no care for any consequences. Great fucking job. ]
Did you learn this from your parents? [ And there she goes, putting her foot right in the minefield. Sure, she doesn't know, but considering that he talked about having to eat toilet paper as a kid, anyone with half a brain would be able to realize that maybe his childhood wasn't the best. Glancing at his face, she tacks on: ] Or, um, a friend?
[ A girlfriend, maybe, which immediately makes her feel annoyed, but unlike before she swallows it down instead of snapping before he even has a chance to answer. ]
no subject
when she asks, he shrugs, flopping backwards on the couch with his legs spread, arms sagged against his thighs.]
Nah, don’t got any.
[but that’s not so weird, is it? between being involved with the Yakuza and Public Safety, he met all kinds of screwed up people. not that they ever really got to a ton of investigative small talk, but it’s not as though it never happened.
he seems to catch her insinuation, but he’s uncertain—he mirrors that glance, briefly, then looks at his slack hands between his legs.]
Yeah.
Control Devil made me kill him, though. [kinda. if he wasn’t so stupid, Aki would still be alive. and Makima knew that. that was maybe the cruelest part about all of it.] We lived together for a little while when I was involved with Yoshida’s stupid organization. Guess he kinda domesticated me by force a little.
[which sounds. weird. but whatever.]
no subject
God, I hate that guy. Public Safety too.
[ Yes, she's still holding a grudge over her arm. The bit about the Control Devil makes her wince; half because of what he says, and half because of how he says it. Like it's just yet another ingredient in the crapburger of his life, instead of the huge fucking deal it should be.
She sips at her tea, watching him out of the corner of her eye. Should she ask about what happened? Or... maybe she could give him something back for once. Share in his vulnerability instead of taking advantage of it. ]
I told you, right? About my mom. [ She hadn't gotten a chance to explain herself fully in Aging's world, between Yoru and Denji's devil-vomit. ] When we were running from the Typhoon Devil, there was a cat on the side of the road. It had an injured leg, and I stopped to pick it up, but... I fell. My mom helped me, and because of that, she... she...
[ She doesn't cry, but her hand trembles; the tea nearly spilling. After a few seconds, she rallies enough to talk with only a slight crack in her voice. ]
What I'm saying is... I know what it's like to have someone die because of you. [ Not the faceless hundreds, thousands that she killed with her powers, but someone you know. Someone you love. Someone you can't forgive yourself for hurting. ] Nobody has the right to judge you for that, Denji. Nobody.
[ Even if she still judges herself for it every day. Even if she's projecting onto him, saying what she wishes someone told her. ]
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Yeah, same. Fuck ‘em both.
[he pauses, glancing at her as she talks, summoned by her present nerviness. his heart sinks, remembering Meowy. that’s how he first learned devils could love, even if it still wasn’t like how humans did. and that little cat’s just another disintegrated something he loved like all the rest.
that is to say of course it makes Denji feel soft with emotion when Asa explains, and she’s…right. it is strangely parallel. someone important to them both, gone because of some graceless blunder.
he doesn’t know what to say, when she finishes, staring dumbly at nothing. his eyes prickle and burns a little, and he sits up a bit more straight, forcing presentness to not let those feelings catch him.
he tilts to the side, gently thudding his head against her shoulder. she didn’t have to share all that, but…she did, for some reason. same reason he shared about Aki, he guesses. he lost someone he knew for…what, barely a year? maybe? that’s nothing like a mom. he doesn’t know what to say.
not that he knows what that’s like…
ITT Denji gets so close to discovering his mommy issues]Fuckin’ right they don’t.
[he says it like it’s obvious, but it’s clear from his affectionate gesture that he appreciates her saying it. it may be his fault, but even there he can see he was a victim too, so he knows she’s right; his fault, but no one can judge him for it. even if he’ll feel rotten forever about it.]
…Thanks.
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another thing they have in common]Don't thank me. [ It makes it sound like she was saying that to be nice, which — okay, she was, but it's weird if he points it out. She looks at him leaning against her, and holds the tea up to his mouth. Fondly: ] Here, drink this. I hear it makes you feel better.
[ Something something indirect kiss, but she's not paying any attention to that. She hasn't talked to anyone but Yoru about her past before, and only when it was dragged out of her by force as a traumatic flashback. Knowing Denji understands makes it easier. It's still hard, but she wants to talk about him. To have Crambon be remembered by more than just her. ]
His name was Crambon. The cat, I mean. [ Very much past tense. ] I didn't have any friends at the orphanage, so I read a lot of books... he'd sit on my shoulders and watch like he was reading along. It was really cute. And at night, he'd always sleep on my bed, not anyone else's.
People act like cats aren't affectionate, but they're just different about how they show it. You have to let them come to you — let them be in control of the interaction. Even if they swipe at you, it's probably because they're scared or uncertain. They're predators, but also prey, so trust is a really big deal for them.
[ Wow... sounds like someone in this room right now... ]
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he knows that??? that's why he made her the tea in the first place? what a fucking goofball. he likes that about her. he listens about the cat, blinking mildly at some details. orphanage, pet friend... some more kind of loose parallels. Denji had always been feral, but then, he'd also had a dad at one point. so after that point. then it was just him and Pochita... no orphanage.]
Yeah...
When I was livin' with that guy Aki, my other friend Power had a cat. The Control devil killed Power, so she took it. Then when the Control devil was reborn as Nakuya—the lil girl I was takin' care of, I took care of all the dogs, her and Power's cat.
It took that cat a long time to come around... It never disliked me, we just didn't know how to click. But we were friends eventually.
I don't think I prefer cats or dogs, but I liked that it'd always sleep on me.
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[ Aaaaaand she puts her foot in it again. Not out of contempt or disdain, but disbelief, and maybe a little anger. If a devil did that to her, if they'd made her kill Crambon, she'd never forgive them, reincarnation or not. Even Yoru immediately backed down from the idea of making her kill a cat, and suggested another plan. She remembers how frantic Denji had been about Nayuta after he'd been put back together, his stubborn refusal to give up on her as they dug through the charred remains of his home... a head coming down the sushi belt... that was the Control Devil? Someone on the same level as Famine and War?
Is that what Public Safety would have done to her, too, if they'd managed to take her in? ]
That's seriously messed up, Denji. [ You're messed up, is what she wants to say, but she manages to at least make it a little less targeted. So much for "nobody has the right to judge you for that"... but it's okay, because she's judging him for something completely different! ]
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I killed her.
[and ate her. for weeks. he looks at the surface of his tea, blinking. he still misses Makima, though. still thinks about her. that's what's messed up, and even he understands that. sooo he keeps that one to himself.]
...Devils are different. They don't remember humans, really. So if I met Power again, she wouldn't remember me, even though she'd probably remember the Control devil. Nayuta didn't do anything wrong. She was just a little kid.
Feels kinda nice t'just have all that shit off my chest. Sorry it's sudden...
[Denji shouldn't trust Asa because she's unstable... but he feels like he trusts her character, which is why he randomly just shared all that. Yoru probably already knows all this shit anyway, or enough of it.]
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[ No such thing as an innocent devil and all that. Maybe it makes her a horrible person, but she thinks it makes her reasonable. Why should someone — something — be forgiven just because it died, lost all its memories, and reincarnated as a completely new being?
... Okay, maybe she's being a little unreasonable. Still. ]
You don't have to apologize. I like learning more about you. [ Denji, specifically. She's heard plenty about Chainsaw Man from Yoru. ] ... You've had a really shitty life, huh. I think if I was in your shoes, I'd have given up a long time ago. [ . . . ] But I'm glad you're still here.
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he blinks when she says she likes learning more about him, his heart fluttering as he turns to look at her again. he doesn't necessarily feel flattered or anything by her compliment to his tenacity (he is miserable, even if he hasn't given up—this new place is kind of shifting his paradigm a little bit, at least), but...everything else makes his face a little red.]
...Are you really? Do y'mean that?
[Denji drops his gaze, staring at his tea again, where his reflection stupidly ripples and blinks back at him while he rubs his face.]
Huh...
[people liking him is one thing but...being glad he's alive is... you know, outside of how useful his body is...]
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potential for memshare "event" in the future of the PSL goes toooo:
i want her to see makima's treatment of him sooooo bad
YESSS…. let’s dog-ear that lol
🙏
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POLITELY URGING HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP he just like me fr
LOL
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