for starters/meme continuations/literally whatever, feel free to drop your own if you wanna thread sth. blanket warning for potential nsfw, violence, + cw: everything if yoru's involved.
Of course it's fucking Denji. All that effort she went through to save him, and being brought here, away from him, was probably the single most helpful thing she ever did. And she can't even have that! She can't even have that, and she wishes he'd been just a few hours later, so she'd have been dead already. She wishes he'd been earlier, so she could have reached up to touch him back, even if it was with a hand made of a devil's corpse.
Mostly, she wishes she had the energy left to laugh. She tries anyway: the wheeze in her chest sounds more like someone breathing through a punctured lung. Feels like it too. Her expression stays blank, like she doesn't even have the mental capacity to change it anymore. ]
Just get it over with... [ It's cruel of her to dismiss him, but what's the point? She can't undo what she's done to him in the time she has left; not that she could even with all the time in the world. All she can really do for him now is close her eyes and not put up a fight as he kills her. Let him be the hero that stopped the monster. ]
Don't be an idiot, [Denji mumbles. the other denizens weren't even intending to kill the destructive menace; probably capture and punish her somehow, sure, but...
hell. they hadn't caught her. Denji had. it was so recent and rapid, most people didn't even know her identity. so fuck 'em. Denji adjusts his position so he can gather Asa up in his arms, standing with her cradled against him. he tries not to look at her, because it feels. it feels bad. or something. it's hard, seeing your friends lose their grip like this. she's suffering.
he wants to know why, and what's going on, and all that... but later. she's clearly wiped the fuck out. hopefully Yoru doesn't kick Asa out of the driver's seat in her weakened state...but he guesses Yoru would be tired to. Denji turns on his heel, walking her towards his place.]
If you need t'nap, don't go doin' it in the dirt...
[ He's adjusting himself: maybe he's going to choke her out instead of using his chainsaws? That would suck, but whatever. She waits, and it's not until he's already taken a few steps with her in his arms that she realizes what's happening. ]
I wasn't napping, you idiot.
[ She immediately snaps back, and it's probably a good sign that she can at least still argue with him. She doesn't want to admit what she was doing, because somehow, the embarrassment of admitting you were laying down and waiting to die is worse than actually doing it. At least he's not looking at her, though that also makes her mad. Does he think he's better than her? That he's doing her a favour? She claws at his shirt, but she can't even form a proper grip, let alone pull on his starter. ]
Denji... you aren't helping anyone by doing this. [ Not her, not the other people here, and definitely not himself. She's proven herself a threat — not just Yoru, but her. He's the only one too stupid to see that. ]
[Denji's known few people who aren't actually some kind of risk to him in some matter or another. if any, really. not closely. his self esteem is battered to hell, and he isn't even aware of it; his indifference to being used as a weapon if he finally gets laid, still foolishly and fully convinced that he'll have some paradigm shift that'll make him feel less empty. he doesn't care if his friends have maybe tried to kill him in the past, anymore. he doesn't mind that they're dangerous. he still dreams of Makima, of Power, of Aki.
Denji's dangerous too, after all. anyone who gets close to him suffers. there's no winning when it comes to that shit, so why worry about it? shit is so fucked that his question is actually genuine. helping, not helping. none of that shit's real to him anymore.
but he also doesn't really care what her answer is. he's going to do this anyway.]
[ Is he serious? She knows his self esteem is in the gutter, that he's accepting of things (and people) that he shouldn't be, but the answer is so obvious that she— ]
Nevermind.
[ —doesn't even bother giving him one. He's going to do this whether she wants him to or not, so she gives up; tucking herself against his chest and tuning out as much of the outside world as she can, aided by the wooziness accompanying blood loss, and the exhaustion of having pushed her body far beyond its limits. Maybe her injuries will finish the job before she has to explain herself either to him or whoever he's bringing her to. ]
[Denji's aware of her injuries, but thinks she has at least a couple hours left. maybe a little less. he's worried about her, but not worried about her dying as she's tucked away against him. he shouldn't be endeared by it, but he is. even if it's kind of bittersweet. it's probably not normal to feel this way, but damn if he has a slim frame of reference surrounding anything like normal anymore besides what movies tell him, at this point...
once at his, Denji carefully manages to get his door open without dropping Asa, and she deposits him onto her couch (so she doesn't freak out). once she's settled, Denji's on his knees by the bed, resting a hand on the arm of the couch to keep himself balanced.
his other hand, expression dull, Denji bites into his arm. his expression flinches from its stoic deadpan, brows knitting and the bridge of his nose snarling in wrinkled folds like a dog—it hurts, because his teeth are made for tearing. the taste of his own blood wells his mouth.
he observes Asa as he does this, trying to assess her condition. she definitely already seems weaker.]
Hey.
Open your mouth.
[it's going to be unpleasant. he's not sure if she's ever even drank blood before. but he'll make it up to her.]
[ Dimly, Asa's aware of being put down somewhere. Some small, stupid part of her feels annoyance at being robbed of the warmth of his body, of having the human touch she's always longed for as her last memory. Not that she deserves it, but still. It would have been nice. Then comes a scent that makes her groan and instinctively lick her lips in anticipation, though the smell of blood alone isn't enough to fully rouse her again.
Her eyes are clouded; she doesn't respond, but the muscles in her jaw are slack enough to open easily. If she knew what he was planning, she'd be far more resistant (in theory, anyway, it's not like she can actually do much), but even though she's obviously aware of devils using blood to heal — she'd given her own to Denji, after all, back when a little thing like the Falling Devil was their biggest problem — she never once considered doing it, even when she lost her arm. She's human. She's not like them. If she drinks blood, she loses the one thing keeping her truly separated from being more than just the host of the War Devil, and not a devil herself. ]
[well. Denji will kick his own ass up and down this whole place when he finds out he took that from her.
Denji doesn't want to take anything from Asa; he does genuinely want to help, but he's also sort of absently aware that he's never really been able to do that in significant capacities. not as much as he wants to, in this personal way, besides Power. he doesn't want to do anything that'll make Asa dislike him, because...
well.]
Man... Why'd you go'n do all that, Asa...
[it's rhetoric; he understands she's basically out. he hopes his gut is wrong. he hopes maybe she just had some kind of literal internal conflict with Yoru that lead to (again, literal) explosive tempers... not that she just was dead set on doing as much damage to everything around her and to herself. she couldn't be coincidental collateral, after all. there were no devils here. the stakes are insignificant in comparison.
carefully, heart thudding reflexively in his chest as he brushes the soft of his arm across her lips, other hand carefully pulling her chin down with his thumb to open her mouth. he isn't bleeding so much that it flows out of him abundantly, but it steadily drips out, some of it smeared against her lip as the blood gathers and pools, preparing to drip into her mouth.]
[ He won't have to wait long to see results. Within the span of just a few seconds, Asa goes from passively letting Denji's blood drip into her mouth, to gently lapping at his skin like a cat, to savagely biting into his forearm. It's the last one that jerks her into a conscious state of awareness; she sits upright with a gasp, shoving him away from her for his own protection. Most people's concern would be that they're somehow alive, but hers is: ]
What the hell did I do? [ Before he can respond, she touches a hand to her own mouth. Red on black tells her everything she needs to know. ] Oh, no, no, no— [ She starts making gagging noises, trying to force herself to throw up, as if that might somehow undo things. ] Why can't you leave well enough alone? Look, I already hurt you! Denji!
[ There's no way he did that to himself willingly. Not for her. Physically healed, but still mentally reeling, she attempts to get to her feet and stumble towards the door, only to collapse to her knees in a heap not even halfway there. ]
[her tongue stings, but it feels—k-kinda nice—then she's fucking biting him, and Denji tenses, eyes widening as he sucks in a breath through his nose, clenching his teeth. Denji stumbles backwards onto his ass in surprise when she shoves him, but he catches himself on his palms.]
Hey! Hey, whoa!
[he scrambles up again when she starts gagging herself, grabbing her arm to try and pull it away from her mouth. but. you know. Asa is strong as fuck. which is why she manages to wobble away from him, and he's all the way up to his feet, managing to catch her before her knees fully hit the floor.]
Asa!
"Well enough alone"? Like you dyin' is well enough or some shit? Don't fuck with me!!
[he pulls her up carefully, guiding her away from the door.]
Tryna run away from me the second we get to reunite... Jeez...
[ She's not usually one for swearing (it's the language of the uncouth and unintelligent) but she's in too much disbelief to do anything other than parrot Denji's own words straight back at him. There's no great struggle when he pulls her up; she's mostly limp again, cycling between wanting to destroy himherselfthe both of themsomething, and wanting to curl into a ball and cry.
A second later, though, and she's shoving at him again full-force, hard enough to knock him down if he doesn't brace himself in time. ]
I should just turn you into a weapon right now! Maybe then you'd learn your lesson! [ Well. No, he wouldn't, because he'd be dead. ]
[he does very nearly fall over, and he keeps his stance wide when he recovers, fully anticipating she'll attack him more. which is confusing. but when isn't it. he's surprised she has this much gusto from so little blood—he didn't think she'd be this hostile with so little energy.]
Me?! The fuck did I do!
Anyway, you're too weak to turn me into a weapon right now.
[probably.]
If you just rest and chill out, I'll let you beat my head in and bust my brains out or whatever else you wanna do, okay? I'll get those guys off your back, too.
[it sucks his only friend doesn't seem to like Denji very much. besides That Way, which he'll more than happily take. probably it's just his body, right? in the various ways that can apply. but it doesn't matter—he just wants her to recover.]
[ That's her secret: she's always hostile. Just usually not so physically, but without her usual restraint, there's nothing holding her back from letting him have it. ]
Stop it, [ she hisses, reaching up to physically cover her ears. ] Stop just going along with everything. That's how all this bad stuff happened in the first place!
[ Yeah. That's right... it's his fault. And since he's the reason she's alive, anything that happens with her now is also his fault. She could go outside and blow the heads off a dozen people, and it'd all be because of him. If she can't blame Yoru anymore, at least she can blame Denji. Stupid, idiot Denji.
God, she wishes it were that easy. ]
I wanted to help you. [ She nearly sobs the words out, lowering her hands as she trembles. Every single thing she did for him backfired, so she tried to do the one thing that couldn't possibly go wrong, only to fail at that too. But isn't that just the story of her life at this point? If Asa Mitaka was a movie, everyone would criticize it for being too unrealistically pathetic. ]
[he approaches her cautiously, drawn in by the way her voice gets just a little watery and a little high. he gently takes her palms, obvious undeterred by their borrowed nature, smoothing his palm against them. he ducks his height a little bit to try and peer at her face.]
I'm not just goin' along with whatever. If I was doin' that, I wouldn't have brought you back here to try'n help you. Okay?
I have free will. I'm just easy to jerk around.
[uh. oops. bad word choice. Denji quickly moves on:]
If you wanna help me, then just try'n calm down. I can get you some water or somethin'.
[he pauses.]
Y'know.
Devils—which is a lot'a the people I've known... hurt me on purpose. But it's human nature to mess up sometimes. If you ever hurt me, it's not like I'm gonna take it personally.
[now that he knows that Yoru is the War Devil, it's pretty easy to tell who's who somewhat. devils aren't sadistic only by their natures—Power did come to care for him, in her own way, that was less painful than the "care" and affection of other devils.
but Yoru isn't that way. she gets off on Denji's suffering. for Asa, she's clearly demonstrating it's the opposite.]
...Plus, why's it gotta be so one-sided? Why can't I help you too?
[ He's right, but Asa chooses to ignore that. It doesn't matter that his approach is gentle, his words kind, and that he touches her hands like they're hers and not the dead monsters they really are. She takes every olive branch he offers her, and throws them back in his face. ]
Because you don't like me. [ Quiet, but accusatory. ] You like her.
[ And it's so, insanely unfair to use that against Denji, the fact that maybe he'd managed to find some shred of enjoyment in what Yoru did not with, but to him, but she's uncharitable at the best of times, and even moreso now. In Asa's mind, he'd only help her if he liked her. So either this is all some sick joke, or... ]
But I'm better than her! [ Explosive again. Almost desperate. Those same hands grab him by the cheeks, cold against his skin. ] It's because she kissed you, isn't it? It's because she—
[ The alley. He'd been so desperate to find out which of them it was that jerked him off — he was probably hoping it was Yoru and not her. The fun one. The one who gave instead of just taking, even by the most twisted logic imaginable. Is that why he saved her? Because he saw the destruction and thought it was Yoru?
She's kissing him before she even realizes it, his blood still painting her lips, the motion messy and ugly and bruising, and only stopping either when she's pushed away or needs to break for air. There's zero affection in it: this is to prove a point. ]
this fucking work call is taking SO MUCH TIME IM DYING how dare u slow down my tag time
[he looks—baffled by the accusation, almost leaning away. but he resists it.
he blinks, wide-eyed and bewildered as she holds his face, rapt.]
N...no, [Denji says hesitantly, his brain stalling and then turning its gears. that might be the only reason he likes Yoru...? but he isn't sure... that makes him kind of shitty, if it's true. but Yoru is someone who gives him affection, too. is that shitty...?]
No, it's not! I'm not sayin' she's better'n you—!
[his breath stops in his throat when Asa kisses him—his brain stalls a second, wondering if this is the first time she's kissed him. was it only Yoru before? the way she asks if it's because "Yoru" kissed him—but he's been kissed a few times by her...
so is this his first kiss with Asa specifically? the Asa who doesn't get off on his destruction...? though she wants to turn him into a weapon?
her kiss is brutal and it makes his blood boil hot. he tries to swallow down that instinct, but he can't help how it charges him instantaneously. he holds the side of her face and tilts his head. by contrast, his kiss more affectionate. but it's not super confident; he's only ever been kissed. he's rarely had much of a chance to kiss back, and he's doing it decisively because he's also tryna prove a point in this moment. he isn't sure what it is.
he likes the one who likes him. whoever likes him of the two...! that's who he likes!]
Edited 2025-02-13 00:50 (UTC)
help i'm usually slow tbh... dw... i feel so bad for denji AGAIN
[ In a better time and place, Asa would appreciate how soft his kiss is. That Denji doesn't try to immediately suck her face off or lick at her like a wild animal, the way she always imagined it would go in her head. Right now, it's wasted on her. His kindness is rewarded only with more pain; she grabs and yanks at his bottom lip with her teeth, hard enough to hurt, trying to copy what Yoru did to him, but nowhere near as effectively. Mostly because Yoru wasn't trembling and crying when she did it.
She grips his cheeks tighter, making sure he can't look away from her as she unloads onto him. ]
You're thinking it. I know you are! [ It's written all over his expression and into the hesitance of his answer, clear as day in her mind. He doesn't have to say it out loud. ] Yoru's the one who kissed you all those times. She's the one who — she did everything! All of it!
[ It's a relief to be able to admit the truth. To finally drop the charade of her two halves being one. It also hurts in a way she wasn't expecting. She was so mortified at the idea of him thinking she was a slut, and now... what? She wants him to think that? No, but maybe she would have liked to do something with a boy one day; probably not, but there's a tiny, almost infinitesimal chance that she could have, might have thought about it — about feeling that closeness to someone just once in her life, enough that the crudeness and messiness of sex stopped mattering. To be not just wanted, but needed.
Well, she's been thoroughly stripped of that delusion. She'll never be as aggressive or as charged or as wildly uninhibited as Yoru, and why would he want anything less if he had the choice? It's not like she can be his first. She couldn't even be her own first. ]
I hate you. [ What she means is: "I hate myself, and you should too." Yoru is at least honest with her feelings; Asa is anything but. Maybe she does hate him for saving her, for letting himself get treated like this, for a thousand other reasons, but it's not hatred making her feel so utterly wretched. (If only it was.) ] She sits on your d-dick once, even while saying all those horrible things... and you fall in love? Is that all it takes? You're pathetic!
[ She drops her hands from his cheeks, and slaps him on one of them. ]
[unfortunately, the pulling bite has the same effect; in fact, because of its brutality, it spikes Denji's heartrate all the more. increasingly, sex is violence to him; even if someone is gentle to him in the moment, he's unconsciously come to understand the violence will just be yet to come. it's a kindness that it's unkind all at the front. he knows it's bad how it makes the root of his dick throb, but... that's how he is.
dazed, he hazily fixes his gaze on Asa as she yells at him for things he didn't understand as they happened—but he accepts them, and he listens. they're two pathetic sides of the same coin; if he can be of use at all if it means he gets touch, he'll let it happen (if it's a woman!). the need to be needed. but, y'know. not like his dick isn't president along side that stuff. he can't help that, but it's part of him. so he has to accept he's just...
bad.
his head whips from the force of her slap, her devil arms quite strong; he tastes copper in his mouth, and goes limp, trying to process. he just wants to be good. but he knows he isn't, because of his body. but that's all anyone wants anyways, right? why isn't it linear? his shoulders sag, and he slowly wipes his mouth.]
I...
[he doesn't know what to say.]
I only—just learned...
[why is it now? maybe because this place is so relaxed, shit catches up to you quick. this is high stakes, though. so why is he thinking about every time it's gone wrong? everything he's lost? he swallows thickly.]
...Sh-she said you liked me.
[he remembers their date, then remembers that...Asa doesn't remember that, right? if he explained that, it'd sound like he was being the manipulative digger.]
Sorry.
I was happy to see you. I... [his chin dimples, and he breathes out a heavy exhale around his tightening voice so it doesn't hiccup. why's he getting worked up like this? in a weird way, he isn't used to girls rejecting him. they just edge him along, if they have any interest at all; because he's a tool. Yoru and Asa are different, but even as he's coming to understand that, he's getting this vitriol from the same body that kissed him and touched his cock and said she liked him pitiful. that's not why he's being pitiful, though.
it's just all catching up to him. there's not much else to worry about, compared to back home. he finds himself missing the chaos.] I know.
I get it. Sorry.
[he doesn't sob, or cry, but tears rim his bottom waterline, gaze cast from hers.]
I'm worse than a piece of shit. I know. I just didn't want you to—...
[ Asa sees the wetness threatening to fall from his eyes, and the wave of guilt that hits her makes her feel nauseous; rises even higher in her throat than when she'd tried to make herself throw up just a few minutes ago. She doesn't get off on seeing him miserable — even the satisfaction of taking out her anger on a living, breathing target rings hollow when there's so little fight left in them. Like kicking a stray dog that still keeps on licking your hand afterward. ]
Stop crying. [ And oh, does she hate how much she sounds exactly like Yoru in Aging's world. She's not screaming at him and kicking him in the nuts, but she's making the same unreasonable demands, blaming him for something that isn't remotely his fault. ] You're not a piece of crap. You're just...
[ Chainsaw Man. Denji. The idiot who saved her life just because he couldn't stand to see her die. The idiot she fell for not once, but twice, and this is how she treats him? No wonder everyone hates her. Everyone except the person with the most right to. ]
Tell me what you want. [ Physically, emotionally... it doesn't matter. She swipes her thumb over his reddened cheek, cold comfort in the most literal sense. ] I'll do whatever you want, Denji. Whatever you think will help. So tell me.
[ And if she doesn't like what she hears, she'll just decide what's best for him herself. ]
denji: the man who wants to be the knight but is in fact the sub damsel
Denji flinches under her touch, but doesn't reject—initially. with the arm that's still bloody from his own bite, coagulating, he gently brushes her touch away, wincing.]
M'not cryin'...!
[obvious lie. just cuz the tears haven't fallen doesn't mean it's not true! but Denji, for being such an idiot, is a stickler for certain semantics. he tries to reign it in, embarrassed on being called out for being emotional although—Yoru and Asa, before he understood them as two different entities...interchangably, he's the most comfortable crying around them. for some reason.]
The hell... W-who cares what I want, [he hiccups slightly, then braces, swallowing it back down again. though he swatted her away, just as gently, he folds his hand around her narrow wrist. a bid and a plea.]
I just...want you to rest a little. You can use my place. I can feed you. It's fine if you hate me, I just...
[augh shit another wave of heavy feelings he can't identify or anticipate! his muscles tense against that wave, and then he relaxes, breathing out heavily.]
I just can't handle another person I care about dying anymore. Whatever you want—that's my line!! I [DAMN IT DON'T CRY, YOU'RE THE MAN!!] just—c-can't...
his battered wife coding... crying at this vs the 'consent is important!!' thread
[ About the crying, about what he wants not mattering, about her hating him, about everything... it's the exact same thing he'd said to her, when she told him just to finish her off, and now look where they are. A snide part of her thinks: "I bet you wish you had, huh?" but he clearly doesn't, and that's the worst part. She can treat him worse than she would an enemy, and he'd still run right back out and save her again. ]
I care about what you want, Denji. [ She says with a truly ridiculous amount of sincerity considering the present situation. Her eyes linger on his bloody arm, and she swears she can still taste him in her mouth. Make no mistake — that particular breakdown is only on hold. ] If you won't say it out loud, then I'll just do it. We both know what you're thinking.
[ When he brushed her hand away, she settled her other one on his shoulder. It slides lower now; a finger trailing suggestively down his chest, tracing around — not over — his starter, and then and then lower, until she's tugging on the waist of his pants. ]
LMAO asa: the fucked up saint of consent denji needs
[god damn if this isn't as confusing as everything else has been all the time. the hand on his shoulder is comforting, because he's always so eager and needy for touch—then it...wanders. and oh, what a hot trail it leaves. he tenses, his dick kicking in anticipatory response.
but! damn it!! that stupid bitch is always what gets him in trouble! especially with Asa! he's already on thin ice. he sniffles a little, feeling awkward as fuck for once again going from emotionally raw to sexually aroused. never much of a break in between, lately. Asa's never kissed him, he—thinks? so surely, she isn't the one who touched his dick. he knows for sure Yoru is the one who ground on his dick to hardness and then stopped when he was desperate enough to agree to anything.
he grips her wrist, hesitantly pulling it away. his body is more than eager; it's hot in the wake of her touch. Asa may not be Yoru, but her touch feels fluid and feminine and—god! of course he wants that. but that wasn't what he was here for, prior to these touches. Denji is capable of refusing sex, damn it! perhaps only with humans? he'd done it with Himeno, after all, despite her being hotter than fuck and more than ready. even if she hadn't barfed in his mouth...similar to Power, in her duress, he just couldn't take advantage of her various states of nude, intimate proximity. that was when he had all the opportunity, and he'd never felt attracted to her again. but his heart had evermore felt fuller than it ever had before.
the irony.]
N-no, hey, that's—not what I'm thinking. Er.
[he glances away bashfully, face red, jutting his jaw petulantly.]
Or, I wasn't, 'til you touched me all sexy...
[he moves her hand to the small of his waist, looking down at her. even though he's definitely half hard. it's deplorably easy to get him to brick up. damn it.]
What I said what I want: I meant that, okay? Like, yeah, I'm attracted to you... but that's not why I did any of this.
[ Because she sure was, and no way is she the bigger pervert between them. If she's thinking about... about using her hand like that, then Denji's probably thinking about worse. Not probably. Definitely. He wants to fold her over the couch and take out his frustrations, because that's what she'd want to do. Hypothetically. In his situation.
... Look, she's only having horny thoughts because she's thinking about it from his perspective, and she's clearly — an empath or something. Nobody is more sensitive to other people's feelings than her! Which is why she magnanimously allows him to move her hand away, though she fully plans to dive back in until he says something that distracts her, fingers tensing against his waist as she blinks in surprise. ]
You're attracted to me...? [ Priorities. ] Me, or Yoru? If you can't tell the difference, then don't bother answering.
The hell—I wasn't!! Just cuz I'm horny now doesn't mean I had anything in mind then!
[he hadn't thought about bending her over the couch and fucking her stupid till he was even dumber, but if she'd brought it up, he'd probably fold harder than a lawnchair in a hurricane. but she hasn't, so! but he'd be impressed with her dirty mind, if she had. integrity is the ultimate cockblocker. maybe for the best, in this situation.]
And—I dunno! I only just learned you were different!
[damn it...he can't tell her about their date. not now. the first half of that date sucked ass. the whole date kinda sucked. but calming her down, eating starfish (haha, metaphors)... that had really endeared him to her. the fact that the date kinda sucked is why it's a fond memory, now. ugh. so how does he put it without that anecdote?]
...I can tell the difference because... I think—so say if I'm wrong! I feel like... Yoru just jumps right into it, cuz I'm like...
[he—doesn't know how to explain it. he quirks a frown, eyes rolled in thought for a moment.]
...a thing. To her. Just a toy, or a tool. Devils are like that.
You're kind of like...
[ah, man. ain't no way he can't blow this. but as long as she isn't slapping him and running out when she needs rest, he's winning. he tries to ignore how for some reason, her fingers tensing against his waist just turns him on more. whhhhyyy]
...I dunno. It's more human. I'm not doin' a favor for a promise of sexual favors. Devils are so business. When I'm confused, it's human.
I—I th-think I want that. I'd rather be confused than played anymore.
[ As he talks, she slowly leans into him. Not in a handsy way, in a 'I'll literally fall flat on my face if you move' way. Her face ends up buried in his shoulder, hands meeting at the small of his back; fingers twitching against him as her adrenaline slowly ebbs away. It makes her feel like a complete moron that he has Yoru figured out, while Asa still... even now, she still— ]
I thought she cared about me. [ She hasn't said it out loud before. Hasn't really allowed herself to even think it, though she was always vaguely aware, and never moreso than when Yoru loaded the gun that was her arm and made Asa's finger pull the trigger. That betrayal is still something she's processing, or rather, doing her best not to, so she doesn't completely break down again over what she did. ] But she's a monster. They all are! Every single devil... I wish they'd all just die.
[ As long as she clung to the assurance of eventually getting her body back, she could pretend she was different. But what's the point anymore? What moral high ground can she claim? She'll never be free of the War Devil, not really. Her arms will always be these — these things. She'll always remember the taste of someone else's blood in her mouth. When she says that devils should all die, she's absolutely including herself in that. ]
... I'm tired. [ She doesn't mean sleepy, though... well. She is sleepy, too. ]
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Of course it's fucking Denji. All that effort she went through to save him, and being brought here, away from him, was probably the single most helpful thing she ever did. And she can't even have that! She can't even have that, and she wishes he'd been just a few hours later, so she'd have been dead already. She wishes he'd been earlier, so she could have reached up to touch him back, even if it was with a hand made of a devil's corpse.
Mostly, she wishes she had the energy left to laugh. She tries anyway: the wheeze in her chest sounds more like someone breathing through a punctured lung. Feels like it too. Her expression stays blank, like she doesn't even have the mental capacity to change it anymore. ]
Just get it over with... [ It's cruel of her to dismiss him, but what's the point? She can't undo what she's done to him in the time she has left; not that she could even with all the time in the world. All she can really do for him now is close her eyes and not put up a fight as he kills her. Let him be the hero that stopped the monster. ]
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hell. they hadn't caught her. Denji had. it was so recent and rapid, most people didn't even know her identity. so fuck 'em. Denji adjusts his position so he can gather Asa up in his arms, standing with her cradled against him. he tries not to look at her, because it feels. it feels bad. or something. it's hard, seeing your friends lose their grip like this. she's suffering.
he wants to know why, and what's going on, and all that... but later. she's clearly wiped the fuck out. hopefully Yoru doesn't kick Asa out of the driver's seat in her weakened state...but he guesses Yoru would be tired to. Denji turns on his heel, walking her towards his place.]
If you need t'nap, don't go doin' it in the dirt...
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I wasn't napping, you idiot.
[ She immediately snaps back, and it's probably a good sign that she can at least still argue with him. She doesn't want to admit what she was doing, because somehow, the embarrassment of admitting you were laying down and waiting to die is worse than actually doing it. At least he's not looking at her, though that also makes her mad. Does he think he's better than her? That he's doing her a favour? She claws at his shirt, but she can't even form a proper grip, let alone pull on his starter. ]
Denji... you aren't helping anyone by doing this. [ Not her, not the other people here, and definitely not himself. She's proven herself a threat — not just Yoru, but her. He's the only one too stupid to see that. ]
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[Denji's known few people who aren't actually some kind of risk to him in some matter or another. if any, really. not closely. his self esteem is battered to hell, and he isn't even aware of it; his indifference to being used as a weapon if he finally gets laid, still foolishly and fully convinced that he'll have some paradigm shift that'll make him feel less empty. he doesn't care if his friends have maybe tried to kill him in the past, anymore. he doesn't mind that they're dangerous. he still dreams of Makima, of Power, of Aki.
Denji's dangerous too, after all. anyone who gets close to him suffers. there's no winning when it comes to that shit, so why worry about it? shit is so fucked that his question is actually genuine. helping, not helping. none of that shit's real to him anymore.
but he also doesn't really care what her answer is. he's going to do this anyway.]
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Nevermind.
[ —doesn't even bother giving him one. He's going to do this whether she wants him to or not, so she gives up; tucking herself against his chest and tuning out as much of the outside world as she can, aided by the wooziness accompanying blood loss, and the exhaustion of having pushed her body far beyond its limits. Maybe her injuries will finish the job before she has to explain herself either to him or whoever he's bringing her to. ]
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once at his, Denji carefully manages to get his door open without dropping Asa, and she deposits him onto her couch (so she doesn't freak out). once she's settled, Denji's on his knees by the bed, resting a hand on the arm of the couch to keep himself balanced.
his other hand, expression dull, Denji bites into his arm. his expression flinches from its stoic deadpan, brows knitting and the bridge of his nose snarling in wrinkled folds like a dog—it hurts, because his teeth are made for tearing. the taste of his own blood wells his mouth.
he observes Asa as he does this, trying to assess her condition. she definitely already seems weaker.]
Hey.
Open your mouth.
[it's going to be unpleasant. he's not sure if she's ever even drank blood before. but he'll make it up to her.]
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Her eyes are clouded; she doesn't respond, but the muscles in her jaw are slack enough to open easily. If she knew what he was planning, she'd be far more resistant (in theory, anyway, it's not like she can actually do much), but even though she's obviously aware of devils using blood to heal — she'd given her own to Denji, after all, back when a little thing like the Falling Devil was their biggest problem — she never once considered doing it, even when she lost her arm. She's human. She's not like them. If she drinks blood, she loses the one thing keeping her truly separated from being more than just the host of the War Devil, and not a devil herself. ]
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Denji doesn't want to take anything from Asa; he does genuinely want to help, but he's also sort of absently aware that he's never really been able to do that in significant capacities. not as much as he wants to, in this personal way, besides Power. he doesn't want to do anything that'll make Asa dislike him, because...
well.]
Man... Why'd you go'n do all that, Asa...
[it's rhetoric; he understands she's basically out. he hopes his gut is wrong. he hopes maybe she just had some kind of literal internal conflict with Yoru that lead to (again, literal) explosive tempers... not that she just was dead set on doing as much damage to everything around her and to herself. she couldn't be coincidental collateral, after all. there were no devils here. the stakes are insignificant in comparison.
carefully, heart thudding reflexively in his chest as he brushes the soft of his arm across her lips, other hand carefully pulling her chin down with his thumb to open her mouth. he isn't bleeding so much that it flows out of him abundantly, but it steadily drips out, some of it smeared against her lip as the blood gathers and pools, preparing to drip into her mouth.]
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What the hell did I do? [ Before he can respond, she touches a hand to her own mouth. Red on black tells her everything she needs to know. ] Oh, no, no, no— [ She starts making gagging noises, trying to force herself to throw up, as if that might somehow undo things. ] Why can't you leave well enough alone? Look, I already hurt you! Denji!
[ There's no way he did that to himself willingly. Not for her. Physically healed, but still mentally reeling, she attempts to get to her feet and stumble towards the door, only to collapse to her knees in a heap not even halfway there. ]
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Hey! Hey, whoa!
[he scrambles up again when she starts gagging herself, grabbing her arm to try and pull it away from her mouth. but. you know. Asa is strong as fuck. which is why she manages to wobble away from him, and he's all the way up to his feet, managing to catch her before her knees fully hit the floor.]
Asa!
"Well enough alone"? Like you dyin' is well enough or some shit? Don't fuck with me!!
[he pulls her up carefully, guiding her away from the door.]
Tryna run away from me the second we get to reunite... Jeez...
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[ She's not usually one for swearing (it's the language of the uncouth and unintelligent) but she's in too much disbelief to do anything other than parrot Denji's own words straight back at him. There's no great struggle when he pulls her up; she's mostly limp again, cycling between wanting to destroy
himherselfthe both of themsomething, and wanting to curl into a ball and cry.A second later, though, and she's shoving at him again full-force, hard enough to knock him down if he doesn't brace himself in time. ]
I should just turn you into a weapon right now! Maybe then you'd learn your lesson! [ Well. No, he wouldn't, because he'd be dead. ]
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Me?! The fuck did I do!
Anyway, you're too weak to turn me into a weapon right now.
[probably.]
If you just rest and chill out, I'll let you beat my head in and bust my brains out or whatever else you wanna do, okay? I'll get those guys off your back, too.
[it sucks his only friend doesn't seem to like Denji very much. besides That Way, which he'll more than happily take. probably it's just his body, right? in the various ways that can apply. but it doesn't matter—he just wants her to recover.]
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Stop it, [ she hisses, reaching up to physically cover her ears. ] Stop just going along with everything. That's how all this bad stuff happened in the first place!
[ Yeah. That's right... it's his fault. And since he's the reason she's alive, anything that happens with her now is also his fault. She could go outside and blow the heads off a dozen people, and it'd all be because of him. If she can't blame Yoru anymore, at least she can blame Denji. Stupid, idiot Denji.
God, she wishes it were that easy. ]
I wanted to help you. [ She nearly sobs the words out, lowering her hands as she trembles. Every single thing she did for him backfired, so she tried to do the one thing that couldn't possibly go wrong, only to fail at that too. But isn't that just the story of her life at this point? If Asa Mitaka was a movie, everyone would criticize it for being too unrealistically pathetic. ]
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[he approaches her cautiously, drawn in by the way her voice gets just a little watery and a little high. he gently takes her palms, obvious undeterred by their borrowed nature, smoothing his palm against them. he ducks his height a little bit to try and peer at her face.]
I'm not just goin' along with whatever. If I was doin' that, I wouldn't have brought you back here to try'n help you. Okay?
I have free will. I'm just easy to jerk around.
[uh. oops. bad word choice. Denji quickly moves on:]
If you wanna help me, then just try'n calm down. I can get you some water or somethin'.
[he pauses.]
Y'know.
Devils—which is a lot'a the people I've known... hurt me on purpose. But it's human nature to mess up sometimes. If you ever hurt me, it's not like I'm gonna take it personally.
[now that he knows that Yoru is the War Devil, it's pretty easy to tell who's who somewhat. devils aren't sadistic only by their natures—Power did come to care for him, in her own way, that was less painful than the "care" and affection of other devils.
but Yoru isn't that way. she gets off on Denji's suffering. for Asa, she's clearly demonstrating it's the opposite.]
...Plus, why's it gotta be so one-sided? Why can't I help you too?
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Because you don't like me. [ Quiet, but accusatory. ] You like her.
[ And it's so, insanely unfair to use that against Denji, the fact that maybe he'd managed to find some shred of enjoyment in what Yoru did not with, but to him, but she's uncharitable at the best of times, and even moreso now. In Asa's mind, he'd only help her if he liked her. So either this is all some sick joke, or... ]
But I'm better than her! [ Explosive again. Almost desperate. Those same hands grab him by the cheeks, cold against his skin. ] It's because she kissed you, isn't it? It's because she—
[ The alley. He'd been so desperate to find out which of them it was that jerked him off — he was probably hoping it was Yoru and not her. The fun one. The one who gave instead of just taking, even by the most twisted logic imaginable. Is that why he saved her? Because he saw the destruction and thought it was Yoru?
She's kissing him before she even realizes it, his blood still painting her lips, the motion messy and ugly and bruising, and only stopping either when she's pushed away or needs to break for air. There's zero affection in it: this is to prove a point. ]
this fucking work call is taking SO MUCH TIME IM DYING how dare u slow down my tag time
[he looks—baffled by the accusation, almost leaning away. but he resists it.
he blinks, wide-eyed and bewildered as she holds his face, rapt.]
N...no, [Denji says hesitantly, his brain stalling and then turning its gears. that might be the only reason he likes Yoru...? but he isn't sure... that makes him kind of shitty, if it's true. but Yoru is someone who gives him affection, too. is that shitty...?]
No, it's not! I'm not sayin' she's better'n you—!
[his breath stops in his throat when Asa kisses him—his brain stalls a second, wondering if this is the first time she's kissed him. was it only Yoru before? the way she asks if it's because "Yoru" kissed him—but he's been kissed a few times by her...
so is this his first kiss with Asa specifically? the Asa who doesn't get off on his destruction...? though she wants to turn him into a weapon?
her kiss is brutal and it makes his blood boil hot. he tries to swallow down that instinct, but he can't help how it charges him instantaneously. he holds the side of her face and tilts his head. by contrast, his kiss more affectionate. but it's not super confident; he's only ever been kissed. he's rarely had much of a chance to kiss back, and he's doing it decisively because he's also tryna prove a point in this moment. he isn't sure what it is.
he likes the one who likes him. whoever likes him of the two...! that's who he likes!]
help i'm usually slow tbh... dw... i feel so bad for denji AGAIN
She grips his cheeks tighter, making sure he can't look away from her as she unloads onto him. ]
You're thinking it. I know you are! [ It's written all over his expression and into the hesitance of his answer, clear as day in her mind. He doesn't have to say it out loud. ] Yoru's the one who kissed you all those times. She's the one who — she did everything! All of it!
[ It's a relief to be able to admit the truth. To finally drop the charade of her two halves being one. It also hurts in a way she wasn't expecting. She was so mortified at the idea of him thinking she was a slut, and now... what? She wants him to think that? No, but maybe she would have liked to do something with a boy one day; probably not, but there's a tiny, almost infinitesimal chance that she could have, might have thought about it — about feeling that closeness to someone just once in her life, enough that the crudeness and messiness of sex stopped mattering. To be not just wanted, but needed.
Well, she's been thoroughly stripped of that delusion. She'll never be as aggressive or as charged or as wildly uninhibited as Yoru, and why would he want anything less if he had the choice? It's not like she can be his first. She couldn't even be her own first. ]
I hate you. [ What she means is: "I hate myself, and you should too." Yoru is at least honest with her feelings; Asa is anything but. Maybe she does hate him for saving her, for letting himself get treated like this, for a thousand other reasons, but it's not hatred making her feel so utterly wretched. (If only it was.) ] She sits on your d-dick once, even while saying all those horrible things... and you fall in love? Is that all it takes? You're pathetic!
[ She drops her hands from his cheeks, and slaps him on one of them. ]
SGSLKG SUCH IS THE NARRATIVE
dazed, he hazily fixes his gaze on Asa as she yells at him for things he didn't understand as they happened—but he accepts them, and he listens. they're two pathetic sides of the same coin; if he can be of use at all if it means he gets touch, he'll let it happen (if it's a woman!). the need to be needed. but, y'know. not like his dick isn't president along side that stuff. he can't help that, but it's part of him. so he has to accept he's just...
bad.
his head whips from the force of her slap, her devil arms quite strong; he tastes copper in his mouth, and goes limp, trying to process. he just wants to be good. but he knows he isn't, because of his body. but that's all anyone wants anyways, right? why isn't it linear? his shoulders sag, and he slowly wipes his mouth.]
I...
[he doesn't know what to say.]
I only—just learned...
[why is it now? maybe because this place is so relaxed, shit catches up to you quick. this is high stakes, though. so why is he thinking about every time it's gone wrong? everything he's lost? he swallows thickly.]
...Sh-she said you liked me.
[he remembers their date, then remembers that...Asa doesn't remember that, right? if he explained that, it'd sound like he was being the manipulative digger.]
Sorry.
I was happy to see you. I... [his chin dimples, and he breathes out a heavy exhale around his tightening voice so it doesn't hiccup. why's he getting worked up like this? in a weird way, he isn't used to girls rejecting him. they just edge him along, if they have any interest at all; because he's a tool. Yoru and Asa are different, but even as he's coming to understand that, he's getting this vitriol from the same body that kissed him and touched his cock and said she liked him pitiful. that's not why he's being pitiful, though.
it's just all catching up to him. there's not much else to worry about, compared to back home. he finds himself missing the chaos.] I know.
I get it. Sorry.
[he doesn't sob, or cry, but tears rim his bottom waterline, gaze cast from hers.]
I'm worse than a piece of shit. I know. I just didn't want you to—...
😭😭
Stop crying. [ And oh, does she hate how much she sounds exactly like Yoru in Aging's world. She's not screaming at him and kicking him in the nuts, but she's making the same unreasonable demands, blaming him for something that isn't remotely his fault. ] You're not a piece of crap. You're just...
[ Chainsaw Man. Denji. The idiot who saved her life just because he couldn't stand to see her die. The idiot she fell for not once, but twice, and this is how she treats him? No wonder everyone hates her. Everyone except the person with the most right to. ]
Tell me what you want. [ Physically, emotionally... it doesn't matter. She swipes her thumb over his reddened cheek, cold comfort in the most literal sense. ] I'll do whatever you want, Denji. Whatever you think will help. So tell me.
[ And if she doesn't like what she hears, she'll just decide what's best for him herself. ]
denji: the man who wants to be the knight but is in fact the sub damsel
Denji flinches under her touch, but doesn't reject—initially. with the arm that's still bloody from his own bite, coagulating, he gently brushes her touch away, wincing.]
M'not cryin'...!
[obvious lie. just cuz the tears haven't fallen doesn't mean it's not true! but Denji, for being such an idiot, is a stickler for certain semantics. he tries to reign it in, embarrassed on being called out for being emotional although—Yoru and Asa, before he understood them as two different entities...interchangably, he's the most comfortable crying around them. for some reason.]
The hell... W-who cares what I want, [he hiccups slightly, then braces, swallowing it back down again. though he swatted her away, just as gently, he folds his hand around her narrow wrist. a bid and a plea.]
I just...want you to rest a little. You can use my place. I can feed you. It's fine if you hate me, I just...
[augh shit another wave of heavy feelings he can't identify or anticipate! his muscles tense against that wave, and then he relaxes, breathing out heavily.]
I just can't handle another person I care about dying anymore. Whatever you want—that's my line!! I [DAMN IT DON'T CRY, YOU'RE THE MAN!!] just—c-can't...
his battered wife coding... crying at this vs the 'consent is important!!' thread
[ About the crying, about what he wants not mattering, about her hating him, about everything... it's the exact same thing he'd said to her, when she told him just to finish her off, and now look where they are. A snide part of her thinks: "I bet you wish you had, huh?" but he clearly doesn't, and that's the worst part. She can treat him worse than she would an enemy, and he'd still run right back out and save her again. ]
I care about what you want, Denji. [ She says with a truly ridiculous amount of sincerity considering the present situation. Her eyes linger on his bloody arm, and she swears she can still taste him in her mouth. Make no mistake — that particular breakdown is only on hold. ] If you won't say it out loud, then I'll just do it. We both know what you're thinking.
[ When he brushed her hand away, she settled her other one on his shoulder. It slides lower now; a finger trailing suggestively down his chest, tracing around — not over — his starter, and then and then lower, until she's tugging on the waist of his pants. ]
LMAO asa: the fucked up saint of consent denji needs
but! damn it!! that stupid bitch is always what gets him in trouble! especially with Asa! he's already on thin ice. he sniffles a little, feeling awkward as fuck for once again going from emotionally raw to sexually aroused. never much of a break in between, lately. Asa's never kissed him, he—thinks? so surely, she isn't the one who touched his dick. he knows for sure Yoru is the one who ground on his dick to hardness and then stopped when he was desperate enough to agree to anything.
he grips her wrist, hesitantly pulling it away. his body is more than eager; it's hot in the wake of her touch. Asa may not be Yoru, but her touch feels fluid and feminine and—god! of course he wants that. but that wasn't what he was here for, prior to these touches. Denji is capable of refusing sex, damn it! perhaps only with humans? he'd done it with Himeno, after all, despite her being hotter than fuck and more than ready. even if she hadn't barfed in his mouth...similar to Power, in her duress, he just couldn't take advantage of her various states of nude, intimate proximity. that was when he had all the opportunity, and he'd never felt attracted to her again. but his heart had evermore felt fuller than it ever had before.
the irony.]
N-no, hey, that's—not what I'm thinking. Er.
[he glances away bashfully, face red, jutting his jaw petulantly.]
Or, I wasn't, 'til you touched me all sexy...
[he moves her hand to the small of his waist, looking down at her. even though he's definitely half hard. it's deplorably easy to get him to brick up. damn it.]
What I said what I want: I meant that, okay? Like, yeah, I'm attracted to you... but that's not why I did any of this.
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[ Because she sure was, and no way is she the bigger pervert between them. If she's thinking about... about using her hand like that, then Denji's probably thinking about worse. Not probably. Definitely. He wants to fold her over the couch and take out his frustrations, because that's what she'd want to do. Hypothetically. In his situation.
... Look, she's only having horny thoughts because she's thinking about it from his perspective, and she's clearly — an empath or something. Nobody is more sensitive to other people's feelings than her! Which is why she magnanimously allows him to move her hand away, though she fully plans to dive back in until he says something that distracts her, fingers tensing against his waist as she blinks in surprise. ]
You're attracted to me...? [ Priorities. ] Me, or Yoru? If you can't tell the difference, then don't bother answering.
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[he hadn't thought about bending her over the couch and fucking her stupid till he was even dumber, but if she'd brought it up, he'd probably fold harder than a lawnchair in a hurricane. but she hasn't, so! but he'd be impressed with her dirty mind, if she had. integrity is the ultimate cockblocker. maybe for the best, in this situation.]
And—I dunno! I only just learned you were different!
[damn it...he can't tell her about their date. not now. the first half of that date sucked ass. the whole date kinda sucked. but calming her down, eating starfish (haha, metaphors)... that had really endeared him to her. the fact that the date kinda sucked is why it's a fond memory, now. ugh. so how does he put it without that anecdote?]
...I can tell the difference because... I think—so say if I'm wrong! I feel like... Yoru just jumps right into it, cuz I'm like...
[he—doesn't know how to explain it. he quirks a frown, eyes rolled in thought for a moment.]
...a thing. To her. Just a toy, or a tool. Devils are like that.
You're kind of like...
[ah, man. ain't no way he can't blow this. but as long as she isn't slapping him and running out when she needs rest, he's winning. he tries to ignore how for some reason, her fingers tensing against his waist just turns him on more. whhhhyyy]
...I dunno. It's more human. I'm not doin' a favor for a promise of sexual favors. Devils are so business. When I'm confused, it's human.
I—I th-think I want that. I'd rather be confused than played anymore.
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I thought she cared about me. [ She hasn't said it out loud before. Hasn't really allowed herself to even think it, though she was always vaguely aware, and never moreso than when Yoru loaded the gun that was her arm and made Asa's finger pull the trigger. That betrayal is still something she's processing, or rather, doing her best not to, so she doesn't completely break down again over what she did. ] But she's a monster. They all are! Every single devil... I wish they'd all just die.
[ As long as she clung to the assurance of eventually getting her body back, she could pretend she was different. But what's the point anymore? What moral high ground can she claim? She'll never be free of the War Devil, not really. Her arms will always be these — these things. She'll always remember the taste of someone else's blood in her mouth. When she says that devils should all die, she's absolutely including herself in that. ]
... I'm tired. [ She doesn't mean sleepy, though... well. She is sleepy, too. ]
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potential for memshare "event" in the future of the PSL goes toooo:
i want her to see makima's treatment of him sooooo bad
YESSS…. let’s dog-ear that lol
🙏
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POLITELY URGING HER TO SHUT THE FUCK UP he just like me fr
LOL
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